Three

Three patients died today.

Amazingly none of them was Paul. Amazingly he is still alive. Albeit he looks absolutely dreadful. And really, a swift death would probably be for the best. His wife asked to talk to me today. I wasn’t looking after him, but since the whole shouting at him when he had an infection incident, I’ve earnt their trust and we have a rapport. His wife is beside herself. She had only told their boys how unwell he was up to this point, she hasn’t told the rest of the family – he has numerous brothers and sisters. She said she hasn’t wanted to have the whole did he/didn’t he have the blood discussion with them.

I can understand that, she’s sick to the back teeth of it. She just wants to be with her husband as he dies. And she’s petrified that his brothers and sisters will somehow blame her. I said that the decision to refuse blood was his own, he had been offered the chance repeatedly to change his mind but he was adamant. All she’s doing is supporting her husband. All we’re doing is supporting the family.

She’s delighted with the care they’ve received and seems amazed that it’s not just Paul we’re looking after but the whole family. We put her in a recliner chair with a cushion and a blanket the other day. We feed and water the families of our palliative patients.

It’s been a long, tough day. Three people have died. And I have to go back to do it again tomorrow.

Dan cooked me a lovely roast dinner tonight. I bought some wine. We had ice cream. He’s now asleep with his legs slung over my knee, and I’m not far behind. I need to wake the boy up and bring him to bed. He’s beautiful when he sleeps, I always think he’s more lovely than the last time when I look at him asleep.

Xx