A Survey on Nephew Alex’s Birthday!

Happy 14th Birthday to my oldest nephew, Alex! I sure do love that kid!

Survey saaaaaays:

What’s the last thing you put in your mouth? Coffee

What did you do yesterday? Apparently nothing important, because I don’t remember.

Pick a scar on your body – what did you do? The scar above my right eye comes from falling and hitting my head on the corner of an electric heater. It hurt! lol

If you could pack your bags right now and were given a plane ticket, where would you go? To see my daughters and meet my grandson.

Do you watch sitcoms religiously? I would if Mrs. Forstmann didn’t control the tv all the time.

Have you ever talked on the phone while in the shower? I don’t shower, I bathe, but if that counts, yes.

Name two things you would NOT tolerate in a relationship? Disrespecting my mother or my loyalty to family or friends.

Are you afraid of falling in love? Nope. I’ve always believed you have to take a chance on love if you really want to find it!

Would you stop talking to your friends because you hooked up with a new girl/guy? No way, Jose.

What features do you find most attractive in gender you’re attracted to? I love people who are not afraid to touch other people…nothing dirty or anything, just hugs, touches, pats, whatever.

How many kids do you want to have? I’ve had all the kids I ever will have.

Would you make a good parent? I hope I do. I think I’m adequate.

Honestly, what’s on your mind right now? Being lazy and not wanting to get up and get more coffee.

Do you wear contact lenses or glasses? Glasses.

Did you get sick today? Define "sick". My tummy stays upset quite a lot. Sympathy pregnancies are a bitch!

Have you ever done something in your parents’ bed? Yes, when I was alone and much younger.

What are your plans for the weekend? I have not one clue.

Are you happy right now? Sure, why not?

Drunk dialer or drunk texter? Dialer.

Are you talking to someone while doing this? Kinda. My wife is telling me I’m a great parent.

Would you hug your most recent ex? I never really had an ex, so this doesn’t apply, but I’m sure I would if I did.

What do you want? Happiness for my family.

What would you call your body type? Hot air balloon, maybe.

Are you a morning person? If left by myself, yes. When other people are around, I think a chainsaw or shotgun might come in handy.

Do grammar and capitalization mean anything to you? Yes.

Are you good at wrapping gifts for others? Not particularly.

Do you have a dirty clothes hamper in your room? Not anymore.

Do you enjoy big holiday dinners? I LOVE THEM!

Is your vision good? The one in my eyes or the one in my head? No to the eyes, yes to the mind.

Is there any piece of jewelry you’re constantly wearing? Yes, two wedding bands…mine and my Daddy’s.

What makes you the most angry when it comes to people? Lack of empathy and courtesy.

Do you buy your friends gifts? I would if I had money. Laurie says I do buy them gifts, but I don’t know what crack she’s smoking.

Would you rather wear necklaces or earrings? Necklaces

Do you enjoy watching fights? No.

Where are your parents as of now? Daddy’s dead. Mama’s across the street with her own private gimpaho.

How much money do you have on you right now? It would have to be found with a body cavity search, because I ain’t dressed.

Are you wearing makeup at the moment? No.

Do you think freckles are cute? I dunno. Depends on the person, I guess.

Do you consider yourself short? Nope. Some friends call me The Jolly Green Giant.

Are you outside a lot? It varies.

Have you ever been dumped via text message? No.

Do you consider yourself spoiled? Yes, kinda.

Would you say you think you have a mental disorder of some kind? Ummm, any reader knows the answer to this is a great big resounding YES! lol

What is one clothing fad you wish never existed? I don’t care!

Has anyone made you mad today? No.

Are you afraid people won’t accept you? Sometimes. Sometimes I feel like they can just kiss my big fat patookie!

Are you, for the most part, an honest person? Yes sir!

Are you the type of person who gets straight to the point? Usually. Ok, my wife says I hem and haw and THEN get to the point when I lose my temper…I can KINDA agree. I try to be nice, but nice doesn’t usually work.

Do you enjoy playing board games? No!

At what time do you normally go to bed? No set time.

What is your favorite term of endearment? I guess the most-used one is "sweetie" or "sweetheart".

What brand of lotion do you use? WTF would I need lotion for?

On a scale of 1 to 10, how tired are you right now? 1

Whose wedding did you last attend? My little sister Joyce’s.

Are you a rebel? In some ways.

Do you tap your foot when you listen to music? I’m more likely to sing. And I dance like no one’s watching, shake, shimmy, probably look epileptic, but damnit, I have FUN!

Homemade or store bought cards? Either one!

When did you last eat popcorn? I don’t remember.

Have you ever done community service? Yes I have. I worked at a camp for special needs kids.

Orange or purple? Orangen-farbe, thanks to Mrs. Forstmannbash

Are any of your friendships on a fine line? One of them stays there often, but we haven’t fallen apart in our first thirty years of friendship, so probably we never will.

If I search your room will I find birth control? Only if you count finding two old, tired spouses as birth control.

Do you expect any of your ex’s to call or text you? N/A

Have you ever witnessed a birth? Yes, but not live. In middle school, they showed us a video….I think that’s what made me gay. lol

Where’s your favorite place to be when you feel depressed? In the dark and quiet.

Have you ever faked sick? I don’t think so.

Do you wear hoodies to bed? No. No no no NO!

Are you currently wearing jeans? I don’t wear jeans, as a rule, anymore.

Do you buy eggnog around the holidays? Yes…."you know I luff des stipid shit!"

Have you gone to a coffee shop within the past week? [i.e. Starbucks] Only my kitchen.

Would you rather have a square or a round pizza? Couldn’t say why, but round.

Would you like to be able to read thoughts? Yes, but with the ability to tune it out when I wanted.

Do certain swear words just roll off your tongue? What the fuck kind of nasty bastard do you think I am?

Are you often the last one to understand a joke? Yes, but when I DO get it, I milk the airheadedness for all its worth!

Can experience be gained just by reading? Knowledge, not experience. <– I agree with this <–also agreed

Your first black eye: Did you give it or get it? Get. Sister. Cats and dogs…round and round…punch brother….cry to Mama….

Does playing the guitar make a guy more attractive? Sometimes, though I can’t explain that.

Have you ever slept in a tent, indoors or out? Yes, outdoors and in.

What does your hair look like at the moment? Salt and pepper, though the peppe

r shows up better unless you’re close up.

Are you mad right now? No. Wanna provoke me? 🙂

Did you eat a cookie today? No 🙁

Does a person using the word "Dude" make you think less of them because they don’t seem educated enough to use other words? Ummm, dude…no.

How do you think it’ll feel to be 19? Am I going to die soon and be reincarnated? I was 19 19 years ago!

When was the last time you went to Chuck E. Cheese’s? It’s been a while.

Do you remember things, or do you have to write them down? If I write them down, I guaran-gotdamn-tee you, I will forget where I put the paper!

Who is your best guy friend(s)? I dunno.

Do you tend to make things complicated? Apparently so.

Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? No, but what about dryer or moister? Rougher or smoother? 

Where did you get drunk last? Home. 

When you’re at the beach/pool, do you go swimming or lay out? I go swimming, then sit and air dry, but not lay out.

 

 

Herman Forstmann

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 An example of my "dancing" like nobody’s watching:

Click for video in new window

(Note: In the video, I mixed the mp3 previously recorded in with a video of my actually singing the song, and not all the words matched, due to my faulty memory! lol)