Spiritual warfare

 I’m in the midst of what I can only describe as a spiritual warfare.  Maybe mixed with a midlife crisis.  Or maybe it IS the midlife crisis.  I have wondered if maybe I’m the first male to experience menopause….

Anyway…

Barbara prayed over me the other day again.  I had my first experience with intentional meditation the same day.  It would sound crazy to share details, but that’s ok.  Suffice it to say some issues got straightened out.  Life seems to be a series of epiphanies right now.  I wish it had not been precipitated by such a horrible health crisis.  Finding out I’ve likely done permanent damage to my lungs, even though I knew it was a realistic possibility…well, it’s just DIFFERENT when it actually smacks you in the face. Reality is a vile pill to swallow, sometimes.

I’ve lost my nasty temper all over one friend and one aunt on Facebook.  The friend disrespected my mother, be it unintentional or intentional, I do not know.  I don’t really care right now.  I’m too TIRED to worry about it anymore.  Tired.  That’s what my life has become….a long series of move-a-little rest-a-little feel-like-I’m-dying.  Lung problems suck.  If you’ve read me long, you know this is not a new thing.  It’s just an undeniable reality now.  

The good news is that I haven’t smoked in three months and nine days.  I can’t see myself purposely picking up another cigarette ever again.  I am having WAY too much trouble now because I didn’t stop smoking sooner…for good, anyway.  I feel like I’m living an extremely slow motion death by suffocation.

Oh well, such is life.

I can’t sleep tonight.  It’s 2:05am, and I’m bouncing from movie to movie, site to site, trying to find something to keep myself occupied.  The feeling is very attention deficit-ish.  

One main thought that keeps going through my head and heart is that I just don’t have the time or energy to struggle with people anymore.  An old, dear friend of mine tried to start a fight tonight about something I said on Facebook.  She agged it on by asking if I meant such and such.  My answer, for the first time in my life…a simple "No."  No explanation.  Just "no".  

It’s about time.