Territorial wars and jealousy

Grr!  My wife frustrates me sometimes!

I know, I know….practically my whole diary is about her.

There are territorial wars going on inside the home.  Stacy, my best friend of almost thirty years, lives with us now, along with her sons, who happen to be my two godsons, Michael and James. 

This, in itself, seems to bring up issues.  Laurie has already told me it’s more like I’m married to Stacy than to her.  I think that’s ridiculous, but Stacy and I ARE very close.  One thing I try to point out to Laurie, though, is that she never needs to worry…I’m still not straight, so I know where I "belong".  I have two wedding rings on my hands.  One is my late father’s, on my right hand.  The one that really counts AS a wedding ring is on my left hand…binding me, symbolically, to Laurice Nadyne.  Not Stacy Rena.  Not anyone else.  Laurie.

There have been enormous problems between my wife and my younger godson, James.  James is 14 years old and a typical teenager.  As anyone reading probably knows, my wife and teenagers mix about as well as oil and water.  Not that I’m always much better, mind you, but I can accept some level of "He’s just being a kid", while it seems like Laurie wants instant perfection.  That just isn’t going to happen.

This brings up yet another difference between us.  They are my godsons, as I’ve said.  That, to me, means they’re the next best thing to being my sons.  I’ve known them all their lives, and I’ve been heavily involved in their upbringings.  I knew them before I ever knew my wife existed.  Naturally, she doesn’t equate them as my sons, so that causes problems.  Since I can’t stake an actual claim to them…my claim is spiritual and moral, not legal…she doesn’t seem to want me to stake ANY claim to them.  THAT is just not going to happen, either.  They’ve been mine since birth, and they will be mine til my death.

I can understand her problem with Stacy’s and my relationship.  Stacy is a very domineering woman…always has been, even as a child.  I’m more of a meek and passive man, despite all the bitching and griping I do.  Naturally, this has led to an almost-30-year history of Stacy mostly getting her way in things.  Now that I’m married, it’s a struggle sometimes to know what’s right or wrong, where this goes.  Especially when I feel my wife is in the wrong and my best friend is not.  What am I supposed to do then?  Tell my friend to suck it up and accept what my wife dishes out?  That’s not fair.  Likewise, my wife feels like I’m giving too much lee-way to Stacy, letting her run the household, basically.

Oh, WHY am I always drawn to dominant people?!!!!!!!

We just rearranged the house a bit.  I put Laurie’s recliner in our bedroom, so she can watch tv and relax in the comfort of her own room and not necessarily be disturbed by anyone else.  This backfired BIG TIME!  She says I’m just "storing her" like furniture and giving control over the house to Stacy and the boys.  

*BEATS HEAD AGAINST WALL!!!!!!*

It’s a goddamned EFFORT to keep peace!  I made sure my invalid wife has a working cell phone beside her, and I one beside me, so that she can call or text if I’m not in the room with her.  It feels like any move I make is wrong, in her eyes.

Last night, we got into a fight.  I told her I wanted to help her be happy, but it seems like she can’t BE happy.  Getting her way in everything doesn’t please her.  Compromising makes her all-or-nothing self feel like she’s giving up control.  She finds something to make me feel bad about in anything that happens…..well, last night, I told her I give up.  If she can’t be happy on the inside, apparently nothing on the outside (which includes me and my efforts) can make her happy.  When she said she was being stored, so that Stacy could have control of the house, I screamed at her that she runs the house like a fucking TYRANT…has to have everything her way all the time and won’t do a damn thing unless SHE sees fit to.  She runs me ragged, makes demands on everyone to be quiet, go to another room, turn down the television, stop dancing, etc etc etc.  She won’t let children be children.  

My philosophy on that last sentence is this…..Michael will be 18 this year…thereby, he will legally be considered an adult.  He’s very well-behaved most of the time, and I don’t begrudge him any effort at having fun.  His childhood is almost over, and we all know how hard being an adult can be!  James has only four years left until he’s considered an adult.  WHY NOT LET HIM HAVE FUN WHILE HE CAN?!!!!!!

Life is full of responsibilities and tensions.  A child shouldn’t have to deal with all that.  Apparently, this is one issue where Laurie and I will never agree.  She was the same with Elisabeth, but look where THAT got us….no contact with my daughter for a year and a half, when I wasn’t even the one she was angry with!  I don’t blame it solely on Laurie.  It was Elisabeth’s fault she cut me out of her life, but damnit, my WIFE caused our daughter to be that angry in the first place.  The whole time Elisabeth didn’t speak to me, I was angry at Laurie.  EVERY SECOND OF IT!  I couldn’t understand why she’d give me a family, then take it away.  Push it away.  

I refuse to have that happen again.  Stacy said she and the boys could get an apartment, but I really NEED a helping hand in things right now.  I think if she "runs away", my wife will become even MORE empowered.  She seems to be trying to isolate me, and I fucking hate it.  Thank God I’m not passive enough to accept it without fighting it.  I NEED for Stacy to take a stand, beside me, and convince my wife that she has GOT to accept people who are different from her, which is everyone!  

Is this as no-win as it feels like?

Jack….who feels old, worn-down, and ready to die

 

 

Herman Forstmann

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