Our marriage – frustrations

This morning, I’m feeling….I dunno, reflective, introspective…some "ective" word!  I can see that we have certain issues, my wife and I, that do not work together toward a healthy relationship, and I want to figure out how to change that.  I know I can’t change HER or her way of doing things, but maybe if I CAN change me and my ways, it will eventually rub off.

Take this morning, for example:

I wake up to find out my wife had also just gotten up.  Because her legs were hurting really badly, she slept in her recliner in the living room, while I slept in our bed.  That was mistake number one.  I should’ve brought my machine out and slept in my recliner, right next to her.  Well, turns out, she’d had an accident in her chair.  I won’t go into details, out of respect for her privacy. 

So first rattle out of the box, I’m helping clean up a mess that I had no idea had even happened.  Now, that may sound reasonable, but there are certain factors that go into this.  When either of first wakes up, we take a while "coming to life"…we have to wait for our minds to clear, and I, in particular, have problems with keeping my balance when I first wake up.  So I’m standing there, swaying, grasping for things to hold on to, and then I’m immediately set to work.  That’s not going to be thrilling, you know?  It’s not her fault…I realize that.  

Well, we got into an argument about it.  Both of us were in the wrong, because of our attitudes. 

We both spent a great deal of our adult lives single; therefore, we didn’t HAVE to consider another’s needs before our own (with the BIG exception of the kids, of course).  Even though we’re seven years into our relationship (five years into the marriage), there are still plenty of issues regarding how we do or do not consider the needs of the other before our own.

She was frustrated with my losing my temper, about being set to work first thing when I woke up.  I was frustrated with her apparent total lack of consideration for me.  This put us into the position of worrying more about ourselves than the other.  She felt like I wasn’t thinking of her feelings (she was right, unfortunately), so she did it herself.  I felt like she wasn’t thinking about whether or not I was even capable of helping her yet, so I focused on myself, instead of on helping my wife.  It made for a tense morning.

I have a hard time understanding why things in disarray have to be cleaned up the very second they’re messed up.  At least, when I’m first waking up, I have a hard time grasping that concept.  As long as my wife was cleaned up, why couldn’t other technicalities wait a little bit – until I could keep my balance AND have a clear enough head to figure out what to do – before they were dealt with?  I can’t really state details, but it was not pleasant.

Well….the point of this entry?  We have issues, obviously.  Sometimes, it feels like neither of us is willing to budge an inch to help out the other.  In a marriage, this is NOT healthy!!!!!!!  What do we DO about it?  Not sure yet.  We HAVE to change this, because the longer we’re together, the more embittered I’m becoming about it, even toward myself!  

We’re very lucky in many ways – especially one…..we both agree that we’re "stuck with each other forever".  It’s not as gloomy as that sounds.  We just don’t believe in sugar-coating things with each other.  When you’re frustrated with each other, it hardly feels like the time to express lifelong, undying love and gratitude to your spouse.  Nope, that’s when we think, "What the hell have we gotten ourselves into?  But we’re stuck with each other, so we can at least figure out how to make it work better."

So romantic, eh?

I AM happily married.  Honestly.  I love my wife in a way I’ve never loved anyone else.  I just never realized how much the little things about each other could end up driving us CRAZY!  

Something’s got to give.  The hard part is figuring out exactly WHAT has to give and HOW to make it happen!!!!!  It’s obvious that we each have to consider ourselves, too, but not to the level we do it.  There is no "I" in "us"….there is, however, a "u".

We’ll get through it.