The Mommy in me wants to surface

Slight problem….it’s not my child I’m wanting to deal with!

Another slight problem…I’m having to play it off as being in "dad mode", when I’m really a MOTHER, not a FATHER!  Look up my entry called "Biological Junkyard", if you’re too confused by this statement. 

Biological Junkyard entry

An old friend of mine, name of Christine, is having trouble from her daughter.  Her daughter, M, is 15 years old, bitter, angry, and taking everything out on her mother.  Christine is wrestling with that horrible demon known as guilt.

This brings out the Mommy side in me for both Christine and M.  I want so much for Christine to understand that even if she made some serious mistakes with M (her thoughts, not necessarily mine), it doesn’t matter.  She offered her daughter some excellent advice, which she now needs to take.  One day, M was crying and saying she felt like she was crazy and that everyone else probably thought she was a basket case.  Christine told her that if she would start "doing the right thing" from now on, she had a chance at rebuilding herself and leading a happy life.  Maybe not those exact words, but you get the point, don’t you?

And to M…..ooooh, that’s complicated!  Half of me wants to find her (she ran away on Friday night) and tell her everything is okay.  The other half thinks M deserves to be slapped for what she’s putting her mother and sisters through.  I would never presume to strike someone else’s child….hell, I don’t even hit my own children!….but that doesn’t mean it’s not tempting.  It feels like the first half of me is the one that is dominant.  I want to reach out to M and let her know how much we all care about her and that her life matters very much to us.

It’s tough enough being a woman stuck inside a man’s body, to begin with…..then, there are all these instinctive urges inside that nobody else can fully comprehend…nobody else in this body, I mean.  K, let me amend that….Thelma and Barbara understand, but the men don’t, and if you’ve read us long enough, you know that we’re always VERY vocal about what we think.  I hear a barrage of voices in my head, most of the time, sometimes arguing with each other…most of the time, really!

Then there’s Ralph, the inner sadist.  Perhaps the less said about him, the better….but he really bugs me.  I’m not afraid of him, as are the others.  I am not violent, and it’s difficult to explain this, but when he starts his shit with me or my boys (Oscar, Louis, and Simon), I knock the fuck out of him, send him packing.

With the inner turmoil that goes on inside this multi-track mind, is it any wonder I have difficulty functioning in the outside world?

I can’t stop thinking about Christine and her daughter.

Elf