Survey

These questions are for you and your partner, if you have one. Fill it out on your own journal, and then come back here and let me know you did it so I can collect your answers for a project that I am doing. Don’t worry, it will all be very anonymous.

1. What’s healthy in a relationship?
Love, trust, respect, humor, and open mindedness
 
a) Consider things like possessiveness. Is a little okay? Is a lot?
A little possessiveness doesn’t seem to hurt anything.  A lot can lead to trouble, especially with domineering family members.

b) What personal space? How much do you need? Can a relationship succeed if these sorts of qualities are desired to different degrees between partners? Why/why not?
We don’t generally have personal space issues with each other.  It’s with others that we have those issues.

2. Boundaries
a) What boundaries need to be set by you in a relationship? What about for you?
I need to feel respected as a human being,  so the line between respect and disrespect is necessary to point out, when/if it occurs.
b) What about by your partner? For your partner?
For my wife, I feel the same as for myself…respect as a human being is necessary.  All too often, either of us fails at it, sadly.
c) How important are these? How do you feel when they’re overstepped?
These are of primary importance.  When they are overstepped, it is as if I am being invalidated as a person.
d) Are some more/less flexible than others? Explain.
This is not really applicable since I only named one thing.

3) Individuality
a) How much of a sense of individuality do you feel needs to be maintained in a relationship? Why?
I firmly believe it is ok to be different people.  The only thing that is important is standing as a united front in troublesome situations or in making important decisions.
b) Do you think a relationship can succeed if these are different? Explain.
Ours could not.  We have experienced times when each of us was willing to "give ourselves up" to satisfy the other.  That only complicated things and drove us apart.  It is necessary to be your true self within a relationship.

4. Closeness
a) How much do you think closeness plays a part in a relationship? Explain.
Are you talking about physical or emotional closeness?  I think both are important.  Emotional closeness is the more important one, however, in my view.  Without that, physical closeness makes no difference.
b) How about the desire for closeness? Explain.
The desire for closeness is very important.  If you lack that, then what is the sense of being in the relationship to begin with? 
c) Do you think a relationship can succeed when it is different? Explain.
To each his own.  I don’t think OUR marriage would last without it, but I suppose there are some out there that could.  My wife is my best friend, and I think it would be impossible to sustain our marriage if that closeness we share was gone.

5. Intelligence/Education
a) Does intelligence play a role in how much you can be attracted to a person? Explain.
I like someone who can hold his own in a conversation.  It is not a necessary trait, though, for me to be attracted to a person.  I am sympathetic to those who simply do not learn well (as opposed to those who simply refuse to learn).  
b) How about education? Explain.
Education is important, but I would not base my desire upon it.  As it happens, most of my grandparents did not finish school.  Neither did my wife.  I believe if one has the DESIRE to continue learning, then formal education, at least, is not as important.
c) Can a relationship succeed if there are differences between partners on these counts? Consider a high school drop out marrying a person with a master’s degree: do you think you could be in a relationship like that? Consider it from both sides. Explain your reasoning.
I will answer this later, after I think on it.

6. Communication
a) How important is communication to a relationship? Why?
Communication is of extreme importance in a relationship.  It is necessary to be open and honest with one another, and talking, in particular, is a good way to do this.
b) How do you communicate that you care for/about someone?
I tell them, and I try my best to show them.  Actions speak louder than words, as the old saying goes.  Compliment them, help them with things, and just be there for them.
c) How do you want to be cared for? (Consider in this the various ways of showing affection: words, actions, gifts, etc.)
d) Have you been in a relationship where someone communicated with you in that way? Explain. If not, explain where past (and current!) partners have been deficient.

7. Goals
a) How important is it that your partner have goals similar to yours? Consider the long-term in this question: family life; monetary expectations, self-improvement. Explain your reasoning.
b) Can a relationship succeed if only one person has long-term goals? Neither? Explain.

8. Money
a) Can two people from very different upbringings make a relationship work? Why or why not?
b) How important is money to personal happiness? And for the love of God, don’t just say MONEY ISNT IMPORTANT you know it is. I just want to know the degree. Then tell me why.

9. Sex
a) How important is it to a relationship? Why?
b) How important is it that two people be sexually compatible? Meaning, that they have the same level of kink, as it were. Explain.
c) If they’re different, can both partners be happy?
d) Can a relationship survive without sex? Why or why not?

10. Personality
a) How much do personalities play a role in your choice of partner? Explain.
b) Opposites attract: good or bad idea? Explain.
c) Birds of a feather: good or bad idea? Explain.
d) Can people be too different or too similar? Explain.

11. Is religion important? Explain.

12. Politics
a) Are political beliefs important to you when choosing a partner? Why or why not?
b) Could you be with someone who was your polar opposite in this respect?

13. Deal breakers
a) List yours, and explain why they would be such.