Angry at Mama

And I hope she eventually reads this entry, too.  I’m tired tired TIRED of pussyfooting around her!  All she has to do is turn on the fucking waterworks, and we give in and tell her it’s not really her fault for whatever is going on.  Well, this time it IS her fault!

It would/should be a minor inconvenience, maybe.  It’s not, because this is the fifty-thousandth time it’s happened!!!!!  She was due in today to give Mikey his meds.  Did she show?  Not yet.  I’m also hungry and don’t want to cook….I also want to go to the store for a few things.  We don’t have a car, and she knows it.  She took Mikey’s meds and appointed herself the guardian of the pills, so SHE is fucking up, not I.  I won’t have fingers pointing in MY direction, as usual.  

I hate how irresponsible people allow my mother to be.  It’s unacceptable, and I fully intend to call her on it.  I’m gonna tell her to give me the fucking meds back and let ME deal them out to my wife.  

I just wanna break something.  I don’t understand.  If I treated Mama like SHIT, like the fucking people in her house do, then maybe she’d give me some level of priority.  As is, because she LIKES me, I’m fucking dispensable and disposable.  

How I wish we weren’t BUYING this house.  I want to pick up and move far far away from here.  I’m sick of being misused and abused and neglected.  Everyone else can go to Mama’s house….not us.  Everyone else except my brother treats Mama like shit and she falls right down and worships at their fucking feet.  I treat her decently and get SHIT from it.

Not like we have any place to go.  I was thinking Oklahoma or California or Oregon….but what would be the difference?  Well, for starters, no 56 year old woman who claims to love me that would just ignore my almost-every call for help.  We text her, it goes unanswered, as if we don’t even exist.  Today, that fucking bastard she’s married to hung up on MY WIFE, which is one reason I’m so pissed off right now.

They’ve hardly even met, but because she’s attached to ME, he hates her.  I hate him and hope he falls off the damned planet.

I wish I was dead.

Oscar