Parent vs. Grandparent – all in one

If I wasn’t conflicted about SOMETHING, I wouldn’t be me, now would I?

 

After the whole thing with Wylie’s Angel cleared up the possibility that Gerren was NOT Isaiah, we’ve had a whole whirlwind of activity in our family.  For starters, the detective was kind enough to check on Isaiah for us.  He is in a group home in California.  My sister, MH, called his social worker, who was thrilled to hear from her, about the possibility of adopting Isaiah. 

Let me state here and now that nothing is set in stone.  Nothing is even set in sand, at this point.  BUT, we are attempting to prepare ourselves for the eventuality of my sister’s adopting our grandson. 

While I’m happy that our grandson would remain in the family, there are some BIG issues going on surrounding that.  For starters, my sister has already decided that we would be allowed no contact with Isaiah until he settled into his new home.  I’m not okay with that,  but I have to step outside myself and say, "Whatever’s best for Isaiah."  

What I’m REALLY not okay with is one particular thing my sister says.  If she gets Isaiah, we will only be allowed to identify ourselves as aunt and uncle, not as his grandparents.  For Isaiah’s best interests, of course.  I say that sarcastically.  I can see two sides of this issue, and I don’t know which one is right.

 

On one hand, I can see that identifying as his grandparents might traumatize Isaiah.  He might wonder why we didn’t fight for him ourselves, which we DID do, but he doesn’t know that!  He might think he is unworthy of love, since he’d figure his own grandparents didn’t want him.  He’s 6 years old, and odds are he doesn’t really remember us, so introducing ourselves back into his life as his grandparents would partially be a selfish thing.

On the other other hand, it might help him if we identified ourselves as his grandparents.  He might realize that his family had NOT given up on him, after all. 

The length of each of these arguments gives me a clue.  It seems pretty obvious the right thing to do.  Become Uncle Hermy to my grandson. 

My sister has two children already.  I am pretty sure they will not be told WHO they are adopting.  I’m sure my sister will not tell them, "This is Isaiah, Uncle Hermy and Aunt Laurie’s grandson."  No, it will be, "Meet your new brother Isaiah." and left at that.

What the root of my problem is….is difficult to explain.  I realize it’s a selfish thing.  I’ve invested so much of myself into becoming a parent and grandparent, since I entered my marriage five years ago, that I feel as if my life is slowly being stolen from me.  But who’s stealing it?  My sister?  Is she stealing my grandson away or giving him back to us?  If not for her, would we ever see him again?!

I’m angry beyond belief with my daughter Tiffany.  I feel like she was too self-involved to be a good parent, and because of that, we lost out.  She portrays the grief-stricken mother very well, but I can’t help but wonder if that’s just so she can paint herself a victim in life.  

"Hello, pot?  This is the kettle.  You’re black!"

Is that what is behind MY grief?  Portraying a victim?  My grief is VERY real.  Maybe hers is, too.  

 

Can I do this?  Yes.  Will I do this?  Yes.  Can I put my grandson before myself?  Yes.  I have to, want to, need to.  HE needs it, and that’s FAR more important.  I’m all about the kids….well, this is my chance to show everyone that I’m for real.  I will put Isaiah and his needs first.  I will be the best goddamned Uncle EVER.  And I will do my best to show EQUAL treatment to Isaiah, Alex, and Juli.  It would be wrong to be partial to any of them.  I love them all so very much.  After all, my sister’s children, I often tell her, are "my children, once removed".  Well, the same could be said of Isaiah.  He’s my daughter’s son, therefore, LITERALLY my child, once removed.  

 

So Uncle Hermy it is. 

Whoa, I figured something out on my own.  Call the Guiness Book of World Records!