Marriage – reflection 1

 

 

 

There are times when I start wondering why I got married.  There are times when I’m just sure it will end up in divorce court.  There are times when I consider gruesome alternatives to end my marriage….either gruesome to Mikey or to me.

 

Then there are times like today, when I "accidentally" remind myself that I am still in love with my wife.  Let me start with the first thing I remember today, which was something along the lines of my thinking, "Goddamnit, now I have to get up, too, because Mikey’s all upset and will get mad at ME if I don’t get out of bed RIGHT NOW."

 

Needless to say, that set the tone for the day.  I was in a BAAAAAD mood!  I know, Happy New Year, right?

 

I never did discover why My Mikey was crying when I woke up.  I didn’t dare go back to sleep, even though I was – as usual – very tired.

 

Fast forward to later in the day.  I’m at our new house, paying the house payment and remainder of the first half of the down payment and getting the keys to the house.  Nanny comes across the street to bitch.  She tells Jean what an irresponsible person her mother was, what a bitch her sister is, and here I am, thinking that I would slap that old senile witch if I were Jean.  Then Nanny starts in on "Laurie", my wife.  At one point, she says something really mean, then looks at me and says, "Vell, you know how much I love her!" in as sarcastic a tone as possible.  I flamed up at that and just about yelled, "You know how much I love her!!!!"  Nanny agreed that I did but asked why I would, when she lies about everything.  At that point, I let it go.  Only for the time being…because more was to come later.

 

I left the house and went across the street to Nanny’s.  Mama had texted me that she’d be in at 3pm, and it was getting on 2:40pm, so I was just going to tough it out and wait at Nanny’s house.

 

Nanny started in on Laurie again.  She mentioned that Laurie had tried to call the Chase bank and say she was Mary Helen and get some money out of the bank.  I corrected her in no time flat, this time.  I told her, "Nanny, I talked to Sherry (the vice president of the bank) RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU and she told us that never happened."  Nanny sputtered a little and asked what I said.  I told her that Sherry had said it never happened.  So Nanny, rather than argue it more, switched tactics.  She brought up the Waco Chase bank again, saying Laurie went there and tried to get money, saying she was Mary Helen again.  I again told Nanny that that never happened.  I’m with my wife almost 24/7, goddamnit, and I know what she does and doesn’t do.  So Nanny moves on to the bank in Kerens.  At this point, I’m tired of listening, so I just shut my ears to her.  I tuned her out, and boy was it nice to do that.

 

She knew how to open them again.

 

One thing she said brought out the bitch in me again.  She said she wished she knew just who it was that called her from Waco, saying not to trust Laurie, that she’s just a liar and no good.  I flared up again and yelled, "So do I!  IF someone called from Waco, it was just someone trying to cause problems, and they obviously succeeded, because now you REALLY don’t like my wife!!!!"  I also told her that banks aren’t open in the middle of the night, so whomever called her was lying to her about Laurie trying anything at the bank in the middle of the night.

 

I know no one really called her about any of this.  I know it’s her delusions, but they still piss me the fuck off.  I don’t know how to deal with them properly.

 

What I learned from all this….

 

I learned that I still love my spouse just as much today as I did before we got married.  It’s just buried under a lot of issues sometimes.  I need to learn to get more in touch with that and figure a way to cope with said issues.  I’ve been bottling up things inside myself and letting them fester, and it’s making my marriage suffer, so I need to figure out a way to cope.  Apparently, I have to do thi

s on my own, because My Mikey is just not objective enough to help, when the issues deal with him.  Mikey’s got to work on the same things, more than likely, and more than likely I’m not objective enough to help him, either, but this is not about Mikey’s flaws.  This is actually about mine.

 

My issues are tricky little bitches!  They make me feel like I hate my own spouse sometimes.  Now I know I don’t…I suppose I knew it all along, but still…now I’m more aware of what is under the surface. 

 

Now give me some all-surface cleaner!!!

 

Ciao for now, and love to all,

 

Jack