Fire and Ice Goddess

I don’t know what the hell is going on in my goddamned life.  Why should I or do I worry about what anyone thinks of me?  I’m a young, capable person who can do anything she sets her mind to!  Or he sets his mind to, if you really insist on it.  Fuck it. 

I’m mad as hell right now.  I’ve been emailing with Mary Helen again, since I can’t sleep and it’s almost 2am now.  We’ve been talking about how she is going to try to get Nanny to come live with her this month.  If not, it may be that Nanny gets placed into a home.  That’s not why I’m mad.  That’s why I’m SAD.

I’m mad because I asked what would happen to the house Nanny lives in, and my sister said that my brother doesn’t think we’d take care of it if we got into it.  That fired me up.  Because we can’t live up to HIS standards, we can’t live there?  Is that what that means?

My sister is telling me to chill out and not get on my high horse.  TOO FUCKING LATE!

We’ve been bad housekeepers, yes, but so has Nanny with that filthy-ass house now.  It’s got nicotine stains an inch thick on all the walls and ceilings.  The carpet is nasty as hell.  The bathtub hasn’t been cleaned in I don’t know how long!  All that would be taken care of if I lived in it.

But no, I’m just the stupid brother.  I can’t be trusted to do a goddamned thing.  They judge me by what I have now.  What I have now is falling apart!  It’s hard to take care of things that are falling apart!!!!!

Fuck ’em.  I don’t need them.

Betty Goddamned Louise