Low self-esteem morning

 

My Mikey, I love you

∞ • π³ + 1

I keep thinking that maybe these things shouldn’t matter so much to me, but they do.  That’s the plain and simple of it….they do matter this much.

This morning,  I logged into PayPal to check on a transaction I’d made.  Well, it’s a good thing I checked, because someone somewhere made one helluva mistake, and it couldn’t have gone worse if I’d PLANNED it!!!!

I put $20 in gas into the car.  Well, for some crazy reason, PayPal read it as $74, so it tried to pull $71.50 out of our bank account.  That freaked me out, so I rushed to the bank site.  There, I saw that someone had placed on the account a $30 stop payment fee.  The only person who is authorized to do that,  besides us, is my sister.

In other words, without even bothering to ask me about what happened, she took action AGAIN, as if I don’t even matter.  That’s not so much the bad part.  The bad part is that now, I KNOW for a goddamned fact, she’s presuming me guilty without even asking me about anything.

So I wrote an email to Mama.  Then I went to see if maybe I was overreacting.  Maybe my sister hadn’t said anything to Mama.  Well,  Mama didn’t have anything new from MH.  While there, I glanced at Mama’s folders.  I saw my name, so I clicked the folder…..completely empty.  Mine was the only folder that was empty.  Everyone else had mail dating back to 2001, but mine was empty.

I know who did it.  Mama wouldn’t delete my stuff.  Wayne, my stepfather, has her info to login, too.  I know HE deleted me.

I wish I would just cease to exist.  I never did anything bad enough to him or Mama to make him hate me as much as he does, and I’m so fucking tired of it.  Not even to mention how it makes me feel about myself.

As if that EVER matters.

PdC