Eve of Unrest – The Thousand Wasp War

 

 

 

 

 

My Mikey, I love you

 

∞ • π³ + 1

 

 

 

 

A few hours ago, Mikey spilled Diet Coke on his keyboard, and it went KAPUT!  So I get the bright idea to walk over to Nanny’s, rummage around in the building I have in her back yard, and find what I imagined to be a stockpile of old keyboards….I swear I remember having more….here is the account of the Thousand Wasp War :

On the walk to Nanny’s, I was carrying the cane.  I did that because I was sure I’d need it either along the way or after I arrived at Nanny’s house.  I was on the mark with that one, because I DID need it to climb the steps on her porch.

While walking around the corner from 23rd Street to Sycamore, I noticed a black guy hanging out in his yard.  Apparently, the sight of a 6’2" white guy swinging an aluminum cane at his side caused him to feel uneasy.  Gee, I wonder why!  In my effort to make him feel a little easier, I put the cane up to my side, much as I’ve seen people do with unused umbrellas, I think.  Well, THAT made me look as if I were getting ready to use the cane, somehow.  I wasn’t, of course, but I guess Mr. Man and I were on the same channel.  I put the stick down toward the ground, but it STILL didn’t look right, so I just said to myself, "To hell with it" and started swinging it at my side again.  No harm, no foul.

When I arrived at Nanny’s house, I had to sit and rest for a few minutes, but I didn’t want to be gone for long, so it really WAS only a few minutes.  Then I went outside.  Unarmed.  Mistake!

I had grabbed a white kitchen trash bag to put the imagined mountains of keyboards into….as if that would HOLD mountains of them!!!!!  As I strutted out to the building, all was well.

Then I opened the door.

Just inside the door frame, a family of wasps had made a nice BIG nest.  I still can’t ever figure out how they get in there, when the door is locked and there isn’t that big a space for them to fit through!!!!!  But there was the nest, with six or so crouching wasps.

When I opened the door, one of the wasps yelled, "Infidel!"  Nobody moved, including I, for a matter of seconds.  Then, I got the bright idea to get a board from the other building and knock down the wasp nest.  I left the wasps to form their strategy, which they did better than I EVER could have guessed.

Let me warn you, if you ever have to do battle with flying, stinging insects, do so without holding onto an open trash bag.  I swung the stick and knocked down their nest.  They stared me down and locked onto their target.

Frantically, I swung the board to my other side, getting it caught in the trash bag and damned near hitting myself in the head with the board.  I was afraid of my impending waspalming, but my clumsiness had prevailed, once more.

With no-so-great agility, I leapt (ok, staggered with a jump is more like it) over, away from the flying mass of angry red insects.  I haphazardly threw the board into the other building, slammed the door, and ran back into Nanny’s house.  Outside, I could hear a drum cadence beginning.  The wasps had declared war on the country of deCorte.

To the cabinet I soared, hunting desperately for bug spray….any kind of bug spray.  I kept telling myself to calm down.  I had fought bigger wars than this and come out mostly unscathed!!!!!!

The only thing available was air freshener, so I grabbed a can of it and ran outside.  Wouldn’t you know….out of five cans of spray under her sink, I would pick one that did not spray!!!!  The wasps snickered with delight as I beat another hasty retreat.  "I’ll be back" I tried to tell them, but the words were stuck in my drying throat.

Finally, I located a can of generic Lysol type disinfectant spray.  Out I ran, crying "Death to all bugs!"

Now, I had no hidden agenda with that comment, but I guess the other bugs didn’t realize that.  Flies, lady bugs, roaches, beetles, and scorpions lined up atop the fence all along Nanny’s back yard to watch me have it out with the wasps.

Long story short…hehehe…I sprayed those fuckers down with disinfectant, they chased me, I got ONE lousy non-working keyboard, and now Nanny has the cleanest wasps in town in her back yard.

I was getting tired of typing and a bit afraid I’d time myself out.

It’s a good night,

Piers

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