Another Dear Betty letter

Dear Betty :

My grandmother, who is 84 years old, went to live in a nursing home today. As it was her first day, my spouse, my mother, and two of my aunts who were there were rather emotional.

Is there a specific way to cope with the feelings this situation is bringing? I don’t want to make my grandmother sad by being sad myself. I fear that if she detects my sadness, it will make her feel as if visiting her is some kind of burden. She is the sweetest lady you’d ever want to meet, Betty, and I don’t want to make her sad.

Any suggestions?

Grandson in Texas

Dear Grandson :

You seem to love and honor your grandmother the way it’s meant to be done. For this, I commend you.
You are right on the mark that if she detects your sadness, she will be sad. If she ever says she is a burden, simply tell her that she is not. Do not argue the point, just state it plainly and tell her you love her.

If you feel sad when you go to see her, just imagine the alternatives. She could be in a residence, unattended by a nursing staff and doctors. If she fell and broke a bone, what would happen? If she had a stroke, how would anyone know and what would they do?

There are other older people out there with her, and you should be happy she may have a chance to reconnect with people she once knew. At first, it may be rough for all. Given time, your grandmother will come to terms with being there, and she could even enjoy the company of her peers.

Lovingly,

Betty

p.s. For my readers, I have made this letter up to be from and to myself.