I don’t want to cry *EDIT*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As if that really fucking matters.  I have to cry, no matter if I want to or not.

After spending the morning shopping for a nursing home for Memaw, which, by the way, Mama’s chickening out on….

I HATE MY LIFE RIGHT NOW!!!!!!

Let me have one in which there are no unhealthy grandparents.  Let me have one in which our daughters are here.  Let me have one that’s DIFFERENT FROM THIS ONE!!!!!

I love my spouse.  That makes it worthwhile.  I love my mother.  I love my siblings.  I  love my children.  I love my grandchildren.  I  love my grandmothers.  I don’t LIKE NANNY right now.

I want to rip her fucking head off!  Sometimes I think she does this shit on purpose!!!!!!

Talking about the possibility of putting Memaw in a home, and Nanny starts out with that it’s  best.  I shot her down FAST.  I told her to stop right there, because I didn’t want her to hurt my mother.  She said she wouldn’t say another thing.  I said, "That’s her MAMA!"

So Mama and I continue to talk.  When it’s time to leave, I go to kiss Nanny on the cheek, as I almost always do.  She turned away and put her hand up, saying, "I don’t vant des!"  It confused me at  first.  She said, "I know vott you denk of me, so  I  don’t vant des!"

WELL FUCK YOU, TOO, YOU BITTER OLD CUNT!

Let me OUT of this life for a while, please!!!!!  PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE!

Mama made it a little better.

I told her that she would be emotionally wrecked had she gone shopping around this morning, too.  She said to think of the good I’d done this morning.  I told her it wasn’t that simple.  So, being the supportive Mama that she usually is, she said, "You remember telling me that I’d be the same way if I’d gone to those places?  Well, think of what you saved me today!"

Mama knows how to make most things better.

But what would be better ENOUGH?

I don’t know.

Pd-goddamn-C

******************************************EDIT****************************************

I can’t believe my stupidity sometimes!  I forgot to mention something positive, because I was so carried away with bitching about Nanny.

Mama told me at lunch today that Memaw’s doctor had told Mama to take Memaw off of Risperdal, her anti-psychotic.  I had no idea about this until today.  I was under the impression that Memaw was fully medicated and STILL declining so badly.  Not so,  THANK GOD!!!!!

She’s back on Risperdal, since yesterday.  The hallucinations have apparently eased to normal level, and she is again responsive.

The Lord works in mysterious ways His wonders to perform!

This makes it a lot easier to cope.

I just got off the phone with Johnny.  He just talked to Nanny, and he’s now calling MH.  He said after he gets Nanny to update her will (she doesn’t want Mama to be her executor, and Mama still is, legally), he’s calling Adult Protective Services.  This sounds nasty, but it’s really not.  I hope my readers believe me.

Johnny said that they discussed Memaw’s being placed in a nursing home.  Then, Nanny said she asked me if I’d mow her lawn…..and, in reality, she never asked or even mentioned her lawn to me.  After that, Nanny said, as if it were breaking news, "Oh, dey putting your grandmuddah in Tvighlight Nursing Home."  Johnny was a bit taken aback, since they’d just finished discussing that about ten minutes before.

He’s worried (and so are his siblings) that she’ll go out for a drive and wind up getting lost or maybe even hurt or killed.

Good news about Memaw.  Gotta focus on that.  Gotta.

PdC

 

 

 

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