“No, Daddy’s not mad at you anymore…”

Those are words I heard My Mikey say to our daughter Elisabeth last night.  I only replied with a hand gesture…the see-saw’ish one that means "kinda"…which annoyed me, because I wasn’t sure I was ready to be UNangry at my child yet.

I feel like such a bad father figure for Elisabeth.  I am far too possessive, I guess.  Something.  I don’t know exactly what.

Pearl still wants to keep Elisabeth and holler about how "Laurie" deserted her.  Well, Elisabeth is raising Pearl’s son, Juan, so what has Pearl done?  In all but the physical sense, she has abandoned HER child!!!

Quite frankly, I wouldn’t mind if Pearl fell off the Earth.  She’s got some nerve calling here and talking to MY WIFE the way she does sometimes, and our damned daughter supports Pearl in this!!!!  It makes me crazy!!!!!!!

I know one thing for sure.  Pearl does NOT want to go to battle with Herman Forstmann, in any way, form, or personna.  Betty is ready to kill Pearl.  Piers would like to rip her fucking eyes out.  I am just ready to get our daughter away from that heartless, callous bitch.  Oscar sides more with Betty and Piers.  Even LOUIS, the meek and mild child of the body,is angry enough to want to snatch Elisabeth from Pearl’s grips, run away, and never let Pearl even talk to Elisabeth again.  He is angry as hell.

Through it all, I hear Barbara’s sweet voice in my head right now, urging me to stay calm, to let go and let God, as Mama always put it.  Pray, don’t act.  Louis keeps quoting the words to gospel songs.  Sneaky little tactic, but it’s effective.

Then there are lyrics that are not gospel that help, too.

Just to keep your head above water

You gotta work yourself to death

Though you ask yourself, "why bother?!"

Cause you never seem to get ahead

Don’t feel like the Lone Ranger

Like everybody’s lying

Things won’t get any better

Unless you keep on trying

I think that about says it, don’t you?  It’s the story of my life.  It’s the story of life, period, methinks.  I guess everyone feels this way?

I also have learned a lot in the past year, and it helps me a great deal sometimes.  I wish it helped Piers and Oscar, too.  Sometimes, I wish I could reach them better than I can.

Good night to all, and thank you for sharing in our life.  I love you each, and I thank you for the notes and thoughts.

My Mikey, I love you forever times PI cubed plus one,

Your Jack