Shelley Sessions

I have been re-reading Dark Obsession, by Shelley Sessions with Peter Meyer.  It is about a woman from my hometown’s area who was molested by her father.  She was the first known case in Texas to successfully sue her father for actual and punitive damages for reasons of molestation.

Bobby Sessions is the father’s name.  Linda Sessions is the mother’s name.  Shelley has a younger brother named Michael.  I knew Michael Sessions in high school.  I didn’t know him well, but we knew each other well enough to recognize each other after I graduated when we bumped into each other sometimes, and we were courteous, if not friendly.

After reading this book (this is my second time), I am still apalled by what some parents do to their children.  Worse yet, what gets me is what some of the other parents let the ones in question get away with!!!!!

It galls me to my core that Linda sided with Bobby during the trial.  They grossly thought that they could just dismiss it all and become one big happy family.  This burns my soul, as a mother-figure.  I cannot understand, because if someone molested my child, chances are I would want to kill them.  The perpetrator, not my child.

Mikey was molested, beaten, and tortured in some ungodly ways as a child.  Tiffany hasn’t opened up on things all the way yet, but I heavily suspect that there was a lot of molestation in HER past, too.  I know she was beaten, and sometimes has recently continued on in relationships that have been abusive.  I pray that she will find a good man who will not betray her or the children….or that she realizes she can live single, if she chooses to do so.  Either way is fine and dandy with her Mama – me.  Mikey is her Dad.  Though Tiffany calls me Dad and Mikey Mom because we’re in opposing body forms from what we actually are.  I am in a male body, obviously.  Mikey is in a female body.  Yet I am Tiffany’s mother, and Mikey is her father.  Go figure, hey?

I think I’m going to try to find Shelley via e-mail.  I saw an obituary for her grandmother on one site, and it gave Shelley’s married name and the city she lives in.  I know this is nasty and hateful, but I was looking for an obit of Bobby Sessions.  I have a primal rage against people who hurt children, including some in this body – myself with Malcolm.  We have a dark, ugly past, though it did not include molestation…it was abusive, and those in my body committed the physical abuse.  Thankfully, we learned a great lesson about it.  With Malcolm, the only explanation I can offer is that I often felt pushed beyond endurance.  That doesn’t mean I don’t hate what I did to him, and occasionally, I hate myself for it, too.  Lola helps in that way.  She says I shouldn’t hate myself, but I know I deserve it.

I used to "punish" children for what adults did to me.  When I finally realized what I was doing, I stopped.  That’s when I had a nervous breakdown, too.  I wound up being hospitalized twice, and I sold my first home, because I couldn’t take living alone anymore.  I would hear things, see things, and have some pretty terrifying things happen that I could not tell if they were real or in my mind.  I had always suffered a great deal of guilt over the abuse, and still I do now.  Even more….the children I was most abusive to have now grown into adults that love me and support me unconditionally.  They are far too good to me, and at least one of them DOES remember my abuse.  I can’t speak for the others, because I don’t know if they do.  Andy remembers, though, and he loves me.  I don’t deserve that, and I’m thankful that he does.

It seems I always hurt the children I loved most or that annoyed me the most by reminding me of things I hated in myself.  Perhaps THAT part of it keys in with Malcolm, too.  He is so very much like me that it frightens me.

But what of Alex, my nephew?  He is a lot like me in the emotional sense, but I have never hurt him.  I don’t even like to spank him, much less would I ever BEAT him or do anything as dangerous as I did to Andy.

I am filled with sorrow and shame over the horrid things I subjected Andy and my godson Michael to when I was younger.  I have talked to Andy about it, and he is very forgiving, which is good for the heart and soul…but bad for the conscience sometimes.  I have not spoken to Michael about these things because I would like to wait until he is older.  He is only 12 right now, and these things took place when he was 3 and younger, so he may or may not remember, and I don’t want to ruin his childhood with these revelations if he DOESN’T remember them.

I didn’t let myself get by with these things.  For what I did, I still suffer, and I know I deserve it.  I deserve to go to hell for the way I’ve lived, at times.  I pray, by the grace of God, that I am somehow forgiven.

Admitting this scares me greatly, because I don’t like the picture it paints of me, but it is the truth, and if I am judged by anyone for it, I suppose I deserve that, as well.

Shelley….

My heart cries for that family.  I don’t know what to think of Bobby, really.  I really couldn’t tell you if I hope he is alive and has truly found God, as he claimed during the trial.  That would be the ultimate good.  I hope, however, that he abandoned any desires to be family with Shelley unless she found it in herself to forgive.

I have to go.  Louis and Oscar want to come out, and I’m going to try to persuade another adult to come out instead.  Mikey doesn’t relate that well to the children.  Let me clarify…I know he loves them.  They just don’t have a clear connection yet.  There’s static on the line yet.

I love all of you.  Thank you for sharing in life with us.

Hank, I need you and I love you,</fon

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Elizabeth Louise

aka "Betty"