12:55am – All the live-long day long

Proving it, bit by bit……

 

 

This has been a good day.  It is slowly building to where each day, a little more, I can appreciate the good in life instead of focusing on the bad.  So perhaps I am gaining a bit of wisdom or maturity from life?  Not so likely, but I guess anything is possible!

Harpo just left the house.  He doesn’t like going home, it seems.  Not that I blame him.  If I lived with one particular person he shares his home with right now, I would not like going home, either.  I am not speaking of Jenn.  He knows (and so do My Mikey and Lola) whom I mean.

The burn in the GI portion of my body returned with a vengeance in the last few days.  Because we had pizza today, it is particularly acidic now.  I am going to be taking Protonix again, at least until July 8 – the doctor appointment.

This time, I will be more careful with exposure to heat, if I can be.  Today is supposed to reach the 100 degree mark (or above), so that will be challenging.  Exposure to heat seems to be one of the things that wore my body down so badly before when I was on this medicine.  Joy Joy, eh?

I don’t really have much to report; just wanted to ramble again, because it is late, My Mikey is in bed, Lola is reading a new book, and I am tired of composing an arrangement of "Peace In The Valley" that I started earlier.

Because my stomach is roiling again, I know better than to go to bed.  The times I have done that before, I have wound up either burping and having acid shoot up into my nose, or puking.  The vomiting is sudden, when it happens, so there is no time to get off the bed, even.  Sometimes, there is no chance to sit up, so I have to turn over as fast as I can.  I have a fear of aspiration, but I don’t let it rule me.  Here’s hoping that if it happens too much more, I can always roll over, or even make it to the bathroom!  Whichever way it plays, I don’t want to throw up on My Mikey, that’s for sure!!!  Talk about oogy!!!!!

So….

Last night, I wrote an entry about John Vance, one of the men I have loved in my life.  I had spoken to him just before that.  During the course of things, I told him of my marriage.  He wanted pictures, so I sent them to him.  After viewing them, he told me I "made a pretty bride", then he logged off the messenger we were on.

I worried.

I had written a note on the picture e-mail to him and Phil.  I wonder if he and Phil are still together, even.  If not, I am woefully behind on my John reports, and I need to figure out how to find out….also to apologize to John for my faux pas.

I don’t know why he logged off, if he was upset or what.  I don’t know WHY he would be upset!!!  He told me, in his usual, easy-going way that he had never "expected the norm" from me, anyway.

I’m worried about John, still, because he hasn’t been back on.  He hasn’t e-mailed or messaged.  He can’t call, because we only have the cell, and he doesn’t have the number!

I’ll just have to pray my dear friend is okay.  Here’s a-prayin’!

Today was low-key, mostly.  My Mikey and Lola snapped at each other a little, and I yelled at them to stop it, because I’m tired tired tired of it all.  It’s always yelling!  And how do I STOP the yelling?  BY YELLING!  Isn’t that ironic?  Stupid, too, I guess.

We’re learning to stop accepting blame (from others OR ourselves) for each thing that goes wrong in a day.  Things happen!  Or, as the older folks in my life used to say, SHIT HAPPENS!!!!  Get over it, you know?

If something small happens that irks us, we have two big choices of how to react.  Get mad, say something, get over it….OR…..Get mad, say something, argue back and forth, allow it to fuck up the day, argue more, get sick at the stomach, have our blood-sugar drop, and on and on and on.  So the smart thing to do is GET OVER IT!!!!!

So we will.

That simple.

We’ll all learn this lesson together, because I am hardly a quiet, meek person.  Once I know something is going to work for me, I repeatedly suggest that everyone around me try it until they do, and it USUALLY works for them, too.  Not always, but a lot times it does.

So this is not a miracle cure.  Hell no!  It’s an HONEST cure.  We are going to WORK this out.  Not take the easy way out, because the easy way is for cowards.  We are not cowards.

My Mikey is learning right alongside me.  Lola is improving in social skills, too!  I am very proud of her, and I hope she doesn’t mind my saying it.

Life goes on, as always, and we have to move along with it.  Where will we be if we don’t?  Left behind life, that’s where.  We can’t do that.  We have others to think about….our children.

Are we ever "good enough"?  Yes, we are.  Will that stop us?  No, it won’t.  Can’t stop!  If we rest, we rust, dudes!

As life changes, so will I.  As it rolls along, throwing punches, I will roll along WITH those punches.  If it helps to fight back, I will.  If it will only hurt to fight back, I’ll accept what life gives me.  What life gives me is what God gives me.  I will not reject what God gives me.

Maybe this made sense.  I hope it did.

Thank you for sharing in our life.

My Key, My Beautiful, Wonderful Mikey, I love you forever times PI cubed plus one,

Your Jack

 

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