Afternoon update

My Mikey has been down for another nap since about 1pm my time. I caused this one….naughty measures, you know? lol My Mikey is a typical male in that he goes to sleep right afterwards. I’m not complaining.

I will complain about myself, though. Earlier, we discovered that he had gone out in the night to get meds and smokes. My Mikey has no memory of doing it, and I got all upset about it. Fear of the unknown with a different twist to it. I was afraid if that can happen, bigger, badder things could be in store. Pessimistic!

Ok, since I’m the one that dealt with the situation, I wanted to come out and write the details myself. I am Betty. Users at Open Diary are aware of me and who I am. Here, you’ll probably just have to get the hang of things.

I came out earlier to confront the situation head-on. I’m a no-nonsense, hard-nosed bitch sometimes, and this was only slightly different. I strained to contain my temper. Proudly I say that I succeeded in holding it back. What I’m NOT proud of is that I hurt Mikey AGAIN!!!! Damnit, Elizabeth (my full first name), why must you be so harsh all the time?!!!!

We faced the situation fairly and squarely. Mikey thinks it was just sleepwalking. I’m still not too sure of that, but really, what does that matter? We have two basic choices. Accept it OR don’t accept it. I chose to accept it. That means, to me, that to be fair, I shouldn’t even be talking about it now. Point taken; moving out of the way for Jack to write more.

If this is confusing to anyone reading it, just think how I feel LIVING this! My Gawd, it’s enough to make me feel insane most of the time. Switching is not always so easy, but we’re not conflicted right now, so it’s a LOT easier to let Betty come out right now, and vice versa.

I’m not sure that I have D.I.D. – dissociative identity disorder (formerly called Multiple Personalities), but I have some kind of dissociative thing going on that allows me to function under the same premise as D.I.D. Long ago, I discovered that I had differing “sides” to me. Contrary to what seems to be usual, I cannot always control these sides. To better establish a hold on myself, I named each one. I am Jack, the one that runs the day-to-day things. There are definite differences in each of us, but I still have yet to figure out what the real deal is. It seems that true multiples, unless integrated, are not aware of each other and their actions. Well, whether or not I control myself at any moment, I always know what each side of me is doing. One would assume that Herman aka Hermy would be the day-to-day’er, but he’s not. He’s the goofball personna. The clown within the body. I have the capability to be quite a clown myself, but Hermy is almost ALWAYS all clown. More serious matters are handled by me (Jack) or Betty or Thelma. Sometimes Piers handles things. Fear almost always sends Louis, the child within, out to the forefront. Barbara is the comforter within us. She never gets angry; just sad sometimes, but she’s always ready with a kind word. I try to be more like her, that way, at least – the kind word. I get angry, but Betty mostly handles anger. Rage would be a better word for it.

What a life! I’d imagine I’ve confused the hell out of anybody who might be reading this, so I’ll stop for now. Only for now! LOL

Have a good day, one and all!

My Mikey, I love you forever times PI cubed plus one,

Your Jack