3:29pm – What I have learned

PROVE IT, HERMY……

Again, this is Betty making this entry.  I wanted to explain to Hank, in a place he could view it repeatedly and easily, just what has happened inside me and why.

Hank, my darling, there was a time when I would not have attempted to comfort anyone when they cried.  I would have gladly demolished anyone showing what I considered “weakness”.   It is not weakness.  I have realized that being human is not a flaw.  Thanks to Mikey, I have learned to be more human.  Now, thanks to you, I am learning to be more open and honest with my partner.

I observed, repeatedly, the times that Jack would hurt Mikey.  I took part in a lot of it myself, as you well know.  The ease with which Mikey forgave not only his partner, Jack, but me, as well, has astounded me.  His smooth grace and generosity of heart have inspired me to change.  Therefore, when things went so roughly for us all this weekend, after all was said and done, it was easier to forgive than I ever would have believed.  I hope and pray you say the same of me.  I hope and pray you can forgive our cruelties to you, my darling Hank.

It seems it all boiled down to the same problem with us, you and me, Hank.  We were both eaten alive with jealousy, wanting what our counterparts had.  I am unsure if I believed myself capable of feeling such strong love, compassion, admiration, and respect for another person.  Since we had exactly the same situation in reverse a few months back, I learned that forgiveness and love can be a valuable key to living a happy life.  I let Jack take all the blame for what happened to Mikey.  That was wrong of me, yet Mikey and you both insist that I not beat myself up and Jack not beat himself over it.  The same is true in reverse.  Do not beat up on yourself, MON HENRI!!!!  Please, for all our sakes, let’s try to see to it that Mikey doesn’t beat up on himself, either.

We are family, Hank.  We are family, and you are coming to understand that, while it can be a terrifying prospect to be a member of a family sometimes, it has enormous rewards, as well.  The dependence upon each of us from and to the others can be daunting, yet we function so smoothly and beautifully as a team.  I am so thrilled that we have, at long last, grasped this concept.  Be with me, my love.  Love me, as I will always love you.  Allow me to hold you, comfort you, spoil you rotten.  No threats.  No grudges.  No hostility.  Only US.

There is only Us and our promises of forever.  There have been many grievous happenings in both our lives, yet we have finally discovered that pain need not be everlasting.  Because of you, Hank – you, directly…no ifs, ands, or buts about it – I have found hope for the future.  We can live, and our life can be happy.  It is our choice!

Thank you, Mon Henri, and Jack’s Mikey, for all that you have given me.  Thank you to Charlie for being our buffer.  Thank you to each person within the body of Peter Henry for loving us unconditionally.

I love you each and all.

Betty Louise