8:40am – Good Morning, World

 

PROVE IT, HERMY……

 

 

Good morning, everyone.  I just woke up within the past 20 minutes or so, and Mikey is still in bed.

Persona, you asked if I had considered moving to him.  The answer is a great big YES.  We both agreed that it would not be as feasible for me to move there.  In May, I started buying us a house in Waco, where I live.  Not only that, but life is a lot more expensive in California than in Texas.  Sometimes, I am shocked when he tells me even the prices of groceries!  I live on $564 per month, so life there would be a little unbearable for both of us.

I want to be with him, though.  Don’t mistake that.  I’ve considered trying to round up enough gas money to drive there until we can fly back to Texas together.  Making matters more complex is this : because we’d made what we thought were concrete plans for him to move here, we told some people we know that he’s already here.  I don’t like being untruthful, but I don’t want them to think my husband is a liar, either, because he’s not.  He was just so excited about the prospect of being here that the actuality of missing the flights was too much for him to admit to everyone, so I’m "playing along" and pretending to them that he’s here.

Mikey is a wonderful man, y’all.  He keeps me afloat when nobody else wants to.  He tells me good things about myself, even when I obviously DON’T deserve to hear them.  He is my savior, point blank.  He tells people that I rescued him from himself….well, he rescued me every bit as much.  I was so ready for death until he came along.  I felt like all I had done was screw up everything for at least all of my adult life, though truth be told, I felt like I’d messed up my childhood, too.  28 years old and still waiting to find someone to love me…..that was hard.  VERY hard.  I’m thankful that no one had lied to me and said they loved me when they didn’t.  I’m thankful that the ones I was in love with before never loved me back.  I mean this, because without My Mikey, where would I be?  Lost.  Simple, honest answer…..I’d be lost.

Yesterday, I went to Austin to help my sister out with a few things.  All day long, I felt like she was making moves to keep me from talking to My Mikey.  It felt that way until I thought it over after returning home.  She hates Mikey, as she puts it.  I find that odd, because she won’t even talk to him, much less give him a chance.

Yesterday, I feel like I held up well, for most of the day.

Then in the evening, I faltered and started to cry.  I had told Mikey on Yahoo Messenger that I was stepping outside for a smoke break.  While I was on that break, my sister sent me on an errand.  That wouldn’t have been so bad, even though I was bitter that I wasn’t "allowed" to tell Mikey about it.  The problem was, when I got back from the errand, my sister and a friend were on the computer….in no hurry to move, either.  Because we’ve had some rather nasty arguments about "Peter", I didn’t want to say anything….chickenshit that I’ve turned into.  Well, I finally cracked, and I had a frown on my face.  All day long, I’d felt the same way, but it weighed down on me during supper.  Mary Helen (or MH, as we call her) asked me what was wrong.  I told her it was no biggie, that I didn’t want to talk about it, even though it WAS a biggie to me.  I knew she really didn’t want to hear about it.   After a few tries to get me to talk, she finally took a guess.  "Did you and Peter fight?"

I couldn’t believe it!  She asked it in a nice, concerned, sisterly way!!!!!

Well, the shit hit the fan soon afterwards because instead of responding to her concern, I welled up into tears and told her we weren’t being allowed to talk.  That pissed my sister off.  She doesn’t handle tears well, especially when she doesn’t understand the reason for them.  We got into such a fight that I told Mikey I would kill myself when I got home.  Why I said this, I don’t know, because I know how scared I get when HE says that to me.  I know he gets just as scared when I say it.

As it winds up, MH let me take one of her cars home, since mine are both in awful shape right now.  I was impressed that even after such a fight, she’d still want to help me out.  I carry a burden of guilt right now for lashing out at my own sister when she actually seemed concerned about the state of my relationship with Mikey.

Today seems ok, so far.  After seeing digital closeups of myself yesterday, I know I need to do some Hermy-maintenance.  I need to shave, for one.  I also could stand a nice, long, hot bath.  So I think I’ll take one!

To everyone who’s been reading, thank you for sharing in our life.  I appreciate the comments and the correspondence.  Dev, Persona, and Daltonsmommy, especially the three of you, lately.  Mads, I miss your comments!  JadeMystique, I know you’re out there somewhere!!!!

And, most of all, Hermyslollyboi – My Mikey…..I love you, baby.  I cherish you in a way I never would have believed I could cherish another person.  You give me such a constant level of love and support, and I know full well how blessed I am to have you as part of me.  Thank you, baby.  The words "thank you" seem so lacking for what I feel the need to express!

My Key, My Mikey, I love you forever times pi cubed plus one,

 

Your Jack