No one to talk to

I need someone, and no one is available.

Mikey, my darling, beautiful, wonderful, amazing husband….I love you, baby. You are sleeping right now, I assume. It is 9:39am my time, so only 7:39am your time. You are what is holding me together right now. Nothing else.

I feel so lost. Everything keeps going wrong, and I am not good at handling this. My water got disconnected because Lola’s bill had been attached to mine, and she constantly refused to take action and get hers removed. Then, when HER water got cut, she had it on the next day. Where’s ours?

I can’t bring my husband home yet. I can’t keep our car in decent shape….it’s broken down AGAIN!!!! Can I do ANYTHING?!!!!

Yes.

I can.

I can do lots of things. Maybe I don’t handle stress well yet, but we’re working on that.

I can hear Mikey in my head, telling me he’s holding me. He’s telling me that he promised for better or worse, and that if he can’t take the worse, how can he take the better? Just like I say to him. God, I am blessed.

Ok. I would LIKE someone to talk to. I don’t need it now. The only NEED I have is fulfilled. Mikey.

My Mikey. MY MIKEY. MINE ALL MINE ALL MINE! tee hee! I feel rather good now, thinking of how supportive and loving Mikey is.

Yesterday, I got really bummed about the HIV situation. Poor Mikey thinks, in the back of his mind (I know this for a fact, because he got tattled on again) that I will leave because of the HIV. Not so. I am not leaving. I can’t be TORN from you, Mikey. I can’t be pushed, pulled, yanked, torn, ripped, taken, nothing. I will NEVER leave my Mikey Baby. I promised forever, and I don’t lie to you, baby. That’s part of what makes me depressed sometimes – the fact that I DON’T lie to you. I feel like I should cover up the bad feelings, but that would break one important promise. We promised to be completely open with one another. I’m very glad for that promise, and that you deliver so beautifully, as with everything you do.

Tell me something good about you. Can’t? Ok, let me do it for you, baby.

Mikey Cole Forstmann is a loving, attentive, supportive man. Everyone who truly knows him (and most who don’t) adores him. Yes, he is beautiful on the outside, but that pales in comparison to the exquisite beauty on the inside of my husband! I am so very proud to have you in my life, baby. You take whatever life hands you, and you gracefully rise above it. You think you are weak, but you are not. That is a mark of humility, which is a very admirable trait. You, my darling, point out GOOD things about people, which makes them feel good about themselves. Do you realize how much of a wonderful thing that is? It does not surprise me. I have admired the whole being of Peter Henry for a very long time now. Always, when I needed someone to be here, you have been here. You are the most dependable friend I have ever had, which makes it so easy to be in love with you, too. Then again, I have about a billion reasons to be in love with you, so…..

And today, I know you will add even more reasons, even though reason is not required. Love doesn’t NEED a reason. It never asks WHY!!!! Oh, how blessed we are, baby. Thank you, Mikey. Thank you for being the incredibly awesome, shining, extraordinary man you are.

I love you forever times pi cubed plus one,

Hermy