What is it like……? HIV

What is it like being married to an HIV+ partner?

I am glad to answer this question. First, let me tell a little of my own background here…

I always thought that the words HIV and AIDS were synonymous for a long time. I have learned that they are light years apart! It is, to me, like pitting a cold against pnemonia. HIV, of course, is the cold. AIDS is the pnemonia. Ironic that I say that, because pneumonia kills almost everyone in the end, doesn’t it?

When I was a teenager, I feard the possibility of contracting HIV more than anything in the world. I always thought that if my PARTNER said he had it, I would have to run for the hills. Well, time has proven me wrong, and I’m quite thankful for that. If I had run, where would we be now? The only answer I know to that question : DEAD!!!! We both would have killed ourselves.

In December of 2003, Peter Henry – I am not quite sure which man it really was – agreed to spend his life with me. The following month, we found out that he is HIV+. I have to be honest. The day he went for the results, I was almost sure it would come back positive, for reasons I still cannot explain. I wondered, until the very minute he shared the news with me, how I would deal with it when I received the news.

I’m not going to lie and pretend I’m HAPPY my husband is HIV+. I’m happy with him, not the “gift” that was given us. How did he break the news?

The phone rang. I answered, and my brave Mikey talked a bit, in his usual strong, clear voice. Then, he broke down. The tears in his voice confirmed what I had suspected. He uttered the words, “Jeff murdered me, Hermy.” and started crying. Let me tell you, if you REALLY love someone, news like this will bring it ALL to the surface. My precious Mikey told me to “run for the hills now, Hermy.” No way!!!!! It was in that instant that I began seeing things differently. I had seen HIV as a prelude to death before. Now, I see it as a license to live as we choose to. I remain HIV-, as of this writing. I would trade places with my beloved husband in a minute if I could. If I could let him enjoy good health and take away his pain, there is nothing that would stop me from trading statuses with him.

What is it like being married to an HIV+ man? It is the greatest experience of my life. The HIV diagnosis brought us closer together, ironically. Who would have thought?! 😉

My soul is bound to his, as I remind him often. I want to spend every moment of life with him. In an odd sort of way, HIV truly IS a gift. Naturally, we would both prefer that it not exist in our life, but it does, and we can’t change that (not yet, anyway). Our love is FAR too strong for a measley little thing like a disease to come between us. Far far far too strong. I have never been so close to another person in my life. Mikey IS my life!!!!

So we put on our bravado, as if it were a comfortable outfit, and we face each day together. There is no other way to face a day.

I love you, my darling Michael Cole!

Forever times pi cubed plus one,

Hermy