Mikey, this is for you….a good one, baby

I LOVE YOU!!!!

I know you’ll think I’m turning my back on you. NOT HAPPENING! Yes, you turn your back to me when SHE is around, but that’s just one of those many things we have to work through, now isn’t it?

I know you are afraid. I am so afraid of losing you, baby. I need you, Michael! I NEED YOU SO MUCH!!!!!

You probably want to scream at me to accept you as you are. I know I should be more accepting right now. So you know what? Fuck the insecurities. I am deeply in love with you, and nothing is going to come between us. You understand that? NOTHING!!!!

You love me when I am cold and distant. Why should it be any different in reverse? I know you’re quite aware of how it hurts me, and that tears your heart apart. Don’t punish my husband. I know I add to the pain and frustration with my stupid panic attacks. I wish like hell I could find ways to stop them!!!!!!

I resent that I am “only human”. You so often make me feel like I’m above the human race, somehow, and I don’t mean that in a condescending way, baby. I mean that you make me feel like my flaws are nothing bad at all. I wish that point would hit home inside of me, too.

I’m deeply sorry, baby.

I let fear turn me ugly again, and that is so wrong. You don’t deserve that. As has been evidenced so many times before, when I hurt, I lash out, and sometimes I get really really mean. I’m sorry. I don’t think you know how much I hurt from what I do to you sometimes.

You are my life, Mikey Baby. If my feelings sting sometimes, well….welcome to the real world, Hermy. You’re ONLY HUMAN! We both are, baby. I know you don’t mean to hurt me. I know you’d give anything to stop what hurts me. Therefore, how could I NOT forgive it?

Please, baby….forgive me? I have been ugly again, and I don’t deserve to be forgiven, but I’m asking you to forgive me.

I love you forever times pi cubed plus one,

Hermy