I am……

The cold, harsh face of reality….

How I wish to God I wasn’t.

Peter, as a whole – all seven parts – don’t deal well with reality.

Reality has always smacked me dead-on in the face, so I feel unable to avoid it. In this way, my baby and I are complete opposites. As much as I hate to admit it, this bothers me sometimes.

I am not bothered by his avoidance of things. Not at all. I feel so cold-hearted when I point out things that he so much does NOT want to face. I am not an ice-queen, though I know I come across that way sometimes. Reality just keeps smacking me in the face, though. I can’t dissociate. It’s not in me, apparently.

Mikey, this is in no way, shape, or form a bad entry. It’s just an insecurity I have to let out somehow, baby. I feel so HARDENED sometimes. The third Jack thing, you know?

Speaking of Jack : Stevie met Jack face to face yesterday. I don’t know if I’ve told you that already or not, but Jack surfaced to throw one of his hissy fits. You know what I yelled at Steven. That was Jack, baby.

For those wondering what the hell I’m talking about, I will attempt to explain just who Jack is (and some others are).

Back in 1996, I acquired a nickname from a friend of mine. He was giving out “drag queen names”, and I asked for one. Sarcastically, he threw out the name “Thelma Louise”. LOL I mistyped the first time….Thelma LOUSE!!!

For those who have been reading me all along, you know, no doubt, my appreciation of the extreme and the absurd. In fact, I might even be said to have a certain taste for the perversely absurd. I LIKED the name Thelma Louise!!!!! So what did I do but assigned a last name, and I developed the character of Thelma Louise Parker. In 1996, upon her creation, she was 94 years old. Now, that makes her 102. Old bitch! LOL

Thelma became my outlet for letting off steam in an amusing way. People seem to tolerate the different voice I created for her uttering bitchy witticisms. She can freely insult people, and they LAUGH about it, usually!

Well, there was aa downside to this little fun fantasy, too. I created a whole list of characters as Thelma’s family. Eventually, they had their own distinctive voices, too. The first one I remember is Barbara, Thelma’s daughter. Barbara is much like my own mother….sweet, naive, and eternally optimitic. She has a mothering, nurturing streak that will allow her to hand someone an axe and then place her head on the chopping block.

Barbara has a sister named Betty. Betty is a lot like Thelma, with a slightly harder edge to her. She will insult someone without thinking twice about it, and it is not amusing. She points out hard, cold facts, whether anyone wants to deal with them or not, yet she comforts said victim after she does it.

Thelma’s dead husband, Jack, Sr. must be an unintended characterization of my own father. He was a nice, outgoing guy, to most people, but he hurt Thelma and the children a lot. He was quite oblivious to most of it, as Thelma and their children are beginning to realize….just like me and Hermann, Sr.

Along comes Jack, Jr., whom I refer to most often when I say “Jack”. He was, perhaps, hurt most by his father. Instead of dealing well, he is sometimes incredibly cruel. He feels like nobody, including his mother, REALLY loves him, and that compells him to hurt everyone HE loves. I don’t like Jack. In fact, I almost HATE him!

Jack, Jr. has a son named Jack III. THIS Jack is a complete, self-absorbed asshole. He doesn’t seem to realize that the world was not custom-made for him. If he hurts someone, he has the attitude that that person should not have allowed what he said or did to hurt them. After all, he reasons, it’s not HIS problem if someone else can’t deal with him, now is it? Thankfully, this guy is surfacing less and less.

There are some characters, which are based on different aspects of my own personality, who have yet to receive names, faces, or voices.

If this sounds messed up, please remember that it helps me to separate the “moods” into different names. I can deal with my mood swings and insecurities better by labelling them with names. I know it may SOUND nuts, but it doesn’t really FEEL nuts.

Jack, Jr. dealt with Stevie yesterday.

Forgive me, Steven?

I love you, Mikey Baby, with all my heart!

Forever times pi cubed plus one, baby,

Your Hermy