Part Two(A reason to go)

My point being it is still the highlight of my life and the thing I value most about my memories. But I have been state side for 6 years, now, I have been back almost as long as I was gone. Those memories are fading. Yet it still is my best core identity. My traveling is the best part of who I am. Yet it feels that I could simply be a delusional pathological liar and I never did such things. And if I had why did I stop if it was as wonderful experience as I make it out to be. Even if it were a lie, to take such a lie and so integrally weave it in to my experiences in life it must be a cherished lie, an what is a lie but a dream. We should follow our dreams. A journey of 1,000 leagues begins where you are standing. 

 

I guess what I am saying is I have seen what can go wrong and I still think it is worth it to go. Plus, I have self-esteem issues, I … I sometimes don’t feel like I contribute enough to the world. This will consol that part of my soul which yearns to be fabulous.

 

I want to think it though, however. There was a recruiter here today actually, but even thought I have been thinking about it for a month I did not sign, it is still to soon. But I do take it as an omen that I am on the right path, I have also been getting several small serendipitous events that indicate the same. But I want to take my time this time. Last time I gave it a minute thought and I was off to Damascus. (on the way over I got to help tear down some of the Berlin wall—it is just such an amazing story it would seem contrived and it is my life.)

 

My thoughts at ten were easy, I could tell my mom was not happy where we were. She had the classified adds spread out on the bed and she called my brother and I in and asked us if we were ok with her idea of going to get a job overseas, I could tell my mom wanted to and I wanted her to be happy and if going over seas would make her happy then I wanted that. See, my thoughts were easy. There were easy because I trusted my mom. She has always had my trust and rightfully so. You see that for the small cost of a little tragedy, I earned deeper wisdom, enjoyed exotic delights, and experienced the world.

 

But still I have reservations. There has got to be some really good reasons not to go but I can’t seem to think of any that bother me.

 

The biggest draw to stay is for family, but I hardly see you guys as it is, and Mom and Jerry are in Guatemala and Abram is itching to get back over. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. I would rather not give up this two-year experience so I could be available to spend 2 days catching up. I would rather just not fall behind, I will make a concerted effort to reply to all emails but please forgive me if it is light chit chat. I usually don’t have much to say. I am, however, very interested when you have something to say to me so please do, but no FWD’s please!

 

The only Unknown on this Peace Corps thing is, Where? I don’t know I think I would be comfortable anywhere on the southern-hemisphere or east Asia, maybe China… I think I would enjoy that.  I don’t have a TV so I live on NPR and mostly I just have the AM news channel on so I have a good feel of what it happening out there.  My NPR is great, it has News Hour with Jim Lara, BBC news, All things considered, Fresh Air, Early Edition, Weekend Edition. And all sorts of radio shows on the weekend. News solid all day during the week. (if you count fresh air as news other wise minus and hour). Anyway it is always on so I think I know the very worst places to go so I could avoid them. As for the rest of it. En-shal-la, it is up to God. Speaking of God, I get the feeling he is letting me know that this would make me happy, you know fill that void.  You know, I could very well just be a victim of brainwashing. You know, all that NPR. That … hmmm, (SMILE)  no couldn’t be, I listen to it because I believe that way not the other way around.

 

Anyway you guys probably did not think you would have spent this long reading about me so I will let you go.

 

Please, Please, Please let me know your mind on my plan. I want to think this through and all thoughts are welcome.

 

With love,

 

Kit