Stillborn

A friend texted me on Monday, and the content immediately made my mouth drop open and my eyes filled with tears.  She was sending a message to let me know that a mutual friend of ours had given birth the previous day and that the baby did not make it.  They couldn’t get her to start breathing. Gone before her life ever started.

It’s been breaking my heart all week. Tina and I have had our struggle with miscarriages, along with the depression that comes with it, but nothing compares to this.  When I was writing a card to send to them, I couldn’t put anything down. I knew that there was nothing I could do or say to stave off their grief.

I can’t imagine the anticipation building up to that moment of birth, only to have it snatched away by greedy death. I can’t imagine how hollow that place in their heart must be, the place that they had created for their child.

The funeral was today, and I know that their sorrow is far from over. I can’t imagine the fresh wounds that will open when it comes time to take down the crib and all the furniture gets stuffed into dark storage, if they take it down at all.

I should have driven down there today for the funeral, or at least rode with my friend, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. For one, I know that they’re a lot closer and that they would need that time. I haven’t seen her in years, and it’s getting to the point where we’re more or less strangers. For another, I couldn’t bear the thought of just sitting there and feeling utterly useless to do anything.  When people around me are sad, I usually try to cheer them up, but I know that nothing I could do would help, and would at best be awkward and probably not well-received.

I pray for peace, comfort, and most of all, understanding for them.

I’m sorry that I haven’t been around. I have a hard time driving myself to come here. It doesn’t help that the desk, like my house, is an absolute wreck either, which really puts a damper on any motivation I have to write. I have two more entries that I want to write about the tornado, and then I can put that to rest. All it takes is me finding the motivation to do it.

Be blessed, all of you.

Brian