Endlessly down through galaxies.

The clouds are black as pitch, droplets of water come down like bombs over enemy territory. The thunder is the explosion, and the rain the sound of blood falling in thick droplets over the survivors. I spend so much time standing in the rain, letting the cold sting of the water replace the sharp sensations of the razor. The pitter patter is a rhythm that I feel I can lose myself in. The streets are slick with the glare of headlights, reflecting my thoughts mixed with the soft glow of a street lamps. That dull orange glow that I fell in love with so long ago. It’s comforting, as close to comfort as one can feel being out in the open, and exposed to the elements.

Life is one of those things I will never understand. The moments that are the sweetest are so few and far between that I often wonder if the ones who leave early are really that bad off after all. I feel used, like I’m nothing but a tool to be wielded momentarily. Cast aside at the first sign of completion of a project. Momentary power, something that is only beneficial until they release the new model. Quicker, Easier to maintain, and more powerful. I hate that my entries have come to me comparing my feelings to the advancement of technology, but it feels like the right way to describe it all.

I’ve been putting off writing for so long because it’s easier to ignore these feelings then write them down and post them online for all to take in. This is easy access to the soul, an unlocked door to a store that only sells grief.

Come get it while it’s hot.

Me. No, just kidding. Lady Gaga.

It’s easier to ignore the feelings if you don’t put it out there, but you’ll typically feel better if you do.

ryn; Indeed that is my name and so far, you have the best idea, haha. Everyone else went with really random things but I want something that is related to me in some way and therefore, yours is the best. Plus it sounds badass, just not sure it’ll work so well when I play first person shooters because its not hardcore enough. 🙂

ryn: those books are Fruits Basket, Chobits, Girl Got Game, Marmalade Boy. Manga! woo haha and thank you for your other note. It was nice. I also agree with this entry and your insights on life.

also, creepin on your interests. You like hip hop, eh? Do you like the record label Anticon by any chance?

You should update more. These entries you write are not only gateways into your life, but outlets into others. The beauty of your words may only seem to show the grief of your soul, but it lights up so, so much more than that.

RYN: IT service reps? hahaha. and thank you. I DEFINITELY DID learn my lesson. To my defense at least I can say it all started when I was 16 and stupid. dkljflkjfsd anticon is so good. what have you heard on it that you didn’t like?

ryn; lol thanks. i’ll see what happens. “whatever happens, happens.”

yes! isnt it the best? you know denis is comming to the state theater june 15th right? you should go!

ryn; Yeah, pretty much how I regularly style my hair. It sort of styles itself most days, haha. And I did pick a few ideas but I’m been rocking Merryjaina just for now until i can pick something I don’t mind seeing every day. ;p

ryn: it was his ex girlfriend who was sleeping with him. he was on shrooms though so yeah

it’s Jenny Lewis!!

well here is my most recent picture if you’re curious what I look like haha http://i42.tinypic.com/i4jyf5.jpg

thanks>.<

not old school! all of those bands are legit:)

Thank you for your note:) I appreciate it. You should update more

ryn: the uniform and their keys. i was a manager there, but i just quit. i was planning on bringing it back to them this week but apparently they weren’t willing to wait a couple days. haha. thanks for the note!

ryn: haha!! that’s great! and apparently so. i mean, wow. i just feel oh so terrible for not knowing that uniforms are SUCH a huge deal. 😛

ryn: i know right! that’s exactly how it is. *sigh* working sucks, doesn’t it?

ryn: you’re so right! and, in case you couldn’t tell from my entry… i think i could handle that 😉

ryn: bagels with lox and capers are the bombbbb

oh hell yes

thanks! and the spastic behavior is reinforced by clicking and feeding after she has one of her ticks, even after she does the right behavior, if that makes sense. i suck at explaining things

ryn; hahaha, thanks. You must either be Darth Sidious or Count Dooku, which one do I call you? ;p

ryn; considering this man playing is Irish, there is hardly any sober playing going on. 😉

ryn; Very good point, that is definitely something I’ve considered in the past but it had slipped my mind to even mention that. 🙂 And no, I totally haven’t even played anymore of it! Haha. Too much to do, not enough time for video games, sadly!

ryn; It says Ad Astra Per Aspera ( To see the stars through the darkness)

ryn- lol thank u 🙂

ryn; Thanks for the note. It honestly meant a lot more than any of the other things people have said. Out of curiosity, why haven’t you updated your diary since 2010? Haha

RYN: Naw, if anything I get more depressed in the summer than in the winter. This depression has different sources.

By the way, I live in MN too. *Waves.*

RYN: I’m in the Twin Cities, Maplewood specifically. Where are you?

RYN: Ahh, yeah I’ve been there a few times. You’ve still got snow? Weird. It’s all melted where I am.

RYN: Yes I am! Not that I really mind winter weather, but after all the snow we got last year, this mild winter has been nice for a change. I just hope we don’t pay for it with a summer drought. I hope you’re enjoying it too! (Or that you will, once the sky clears up. Personally I like cloudy skies, but most people don’t share my opinion on that.)

ryn: No lol, more like a fire proof box lol

re: LOL close, but no – Words with Friends 😉

You write beautifully