On my mind

 My thoughts have been too much to handle lately. My brain is buzzing with all kinds of things – what needs to be done, what would be nice to get done, dieting, money, starting a business….I feel like I need to slow down, yet I’m just getting started. I’m finally pulling my sorry ass out of this black hole. I want to starting contributing to the lives of those around me instead of sucking life out of people with my own misery.

I feel almost like I am on the edge of something big. It almost feels like I am about to uncover the divine reason I was put on this earth. I feel like I was meant for something more and something bigger than I am currently living right now. If only that path could be made more clear to me – I’d be happy to jump on it and travel wherever it takes me…if I just knew which direction to start in.

I’ve been an IBO with Amway for almost a year now and I’ve done nothing with it. There’s money to be made – I’ve seen it firsthand with the other business owners I have met. This bullshit with me quitting my job recently, has highlighted the need for a plan b. More income. I have an opportunity to start selling Arbonne too…this is really appealing to me since it would be Carla as my upline, but I’ve already started something – maybe I should give that a whirl before I jump into something else. I”m notorious for jumping in and never finishing. I want to change that. I will change that. I also purchased to internet domains this winter that I want to develop. This idea is really appealing and I think it could be the most profitable by selling advertising space. It’s the content of the pages I’m stuck with right now. I know the focus, I have an idea…what I really need is time alone to brainstorm.

I’m actually writing at home today. I’m on a day off and Parker is sleeping. I can count on one had how many times I’ve stayed awake while Parker naps in the past 2 years. This is quite monumental for me! Maybe my new medication is helping finally.

My writing feels really disjointed. It is disjointed actually. This probably relates to my thoughts lately. Even my behaviours have been a little weird. I’ve lost my bank card, I lost a $50 gift card, I lost a notice from the city about something I must do or get fined….I’m lightheaded at work, dizzy and spacey…maybe it’s the new medication? Maybe it’s all the bullshit that went on with work over the last 4 weeks that’s making my brain scrambled. Whatever it is, I don;t like it – I rarely lose anything and all this in the last week?! So frustrating.

I feel like I need a change to the look of my diary. I wish that when you made changes they only took effect to new entries and old entries would stay in the look and format that they were written in…I think I’d have to move to a blog site for that. Now that I’m back here, I’m not going anywhere!