Today Has Been A Waste of Make-Up

I’d like to rewind and start today over again. Although that’s not going to erase 1 week of eating and make me lose weight instead of gain. I gained 1.4lbs. Week 3. THREE and I GAINED. I’m so pissed. Pissed and disappointed. I didn’t go over my points. In fact I only used 4 flex points all week. I was too angry (a vision of mascara running down my face from the tears that instantly sprung to my eyes when I saw the number on the scale) to stay and ask the leader about it. I am going back tonight for the meeting and I want answers. I need someone to look at my food journal and tell me where I went wrong. I feel like quitting. I feel like I’m torturing myself by doing this. But, I’ll pick myself up and go back – I just need help. I hope they’re ready for me…I’m not an easy case (head case).

I’m so embarassed that I cried over it. That was totally an ”old Stacey" reaction. Thankfully it ended there and I didn’t run out to the first greasy fast food place I could find and stuff my face – that’s how I used to handle it. Instead I went and got my skinny vanilla latte and went to Mommy’s group instead of wallowing over it all day. Unfortunately my skinny vanilla latte spilled all over Parker’s stroller, so that was just icing on the cake. It did bring the tears back, so I looked like a hot mess when I arrived at play group. I chalked it up to ”allergies”…I don’t think anyone bought it. Oh well…

I’m down 8.4 lbs in 3 weeks, which is better than nothing, but still…losing and gaining the same pound in one week is irritating. Hopefully next week I’ll lose that nasty little pound and then some.

In other news…

I’ve been sick twice this week (hmm..related to the gain? Perhaps). Last Thursday I had some little stomach bug and was on the toilet all day. Rob was able to get the afternoon off which was good. Poor Parker was not being very well parented until Rob came home that day. And then yesterday I woke up with a sore throat and runny nose. I took a nighttime cold pill before bed lastnight and I seem to be better today. Still feeling a bit stuffy, but that might be because of this mornings melt down. Hopefully that’s it for a while and thankfully Parker didn’t get sick with either ailment. Amen for that!

Days are flying by so quickly. I could use an extra few hours per day though I’m not sure I could stay awake for those extra hours, but it sure would be nice. Laundry is really backed up again and I have a bazillion thank-you cards to write. But, instead I’m on here…doing something for myself which, I think, I am entitled to.

Rob went to Chris’ this past Saturday night to watch hockey, so Parker and I were on our own. It was nice. I ordered up a pay per view movie and made a nice (points friendly) dinner. It was a good way to spend a SNOWY Saturday evening. Sunday was pretty low key too, but productive. We hung a bunch of pics on our walls downstairs – our house is looking better and better each day! I love it! I’ve never really put any thought into hanging pictures because I’ve moved so often, but we’re putting down roots here…it’s so nice to make this a home, rather than just "the house we live in…for now" Inside is done now until the fall when we’ll do some painting and add extra decor. We’re going to spend the summer working on our yard – planting flowers and a few veggies, plus clean up the landscaping that’s already here. I’ve never had a yard since I moved out of my parents place…it’s exciting to have this project to work on. Now if only the weather would smarten up! I have a feeling we’re in for a wet summer 🙁 Better find some plants that love the rain!

I’ve found a few new faves to read on here by random reading. I just read one fave from start to finish yesterday…she’s amazing! I’m so happy to have come accross her diary..she’s so positive!! I could learn a lot from her. I do love my ”old" faves though…it’s quite a gift to be able to peek into others lives to live and learn with and from each other. I love it here! I remember finding OD through bored.com many years ago. I was addicted instantly…it took a few years until I started writing and even then it’s been really sporadic. I hope to do more of it, but I’m not setting and quotas because I just feel like shit when I don’t meet them. I’m not sure where all these expectations I place on myself came from, but they suck.

Parkers nap is coming to an end shortly, so I’d better get going. We’re off for a walk to the Farmer’s Market which starts here today. Hopefully the rain stays away!