From Sex Drive to Fatness in 6.0 seconds!

So we’re thinking about having me go on the pill again and put our plans for a baby away for now. Just a year we think…maybe a little longer. I just can’t feel good about getting pregnant now with all the mental health stuff I have going on and the physical health stuff I think is going on, but won’t go get checked. It’s not fucking rocket science, I’m pretty sure that at close to 280lbs and a history of high blood pressure, it’s just not a smart thing to day. I suppose it would be easy enough to not get pregnant without having to take the pill, but I’m hoping that it would help with my current total lack of sex drive. Perhaps with a year of the pill, a year of therapy and a year of really getting healthy by the time we’re ready, my sex drive will be back to normal, my mental health will be…well normal though I don’t know what that is right now, and my physical health would be better. I’m not relating the pill to improving my physical health…only my sex drive which needs some fixin’ ASAP!! I’ve tried Ginko, I’ve asked my doctor for a “woman’s Viagra” and so far no luck. Rob & I were talking about “the good old days” when I wanted it all the time and aside from the 50lbs I’ve put on since then (which I KNOW relates to my lack of interest, but he says no) the pill is the only thing that seemed to help in the desire department. Not every day, only at certain times in my cycle…but it was like take a pill and half an hour later…let’s go! We watched that pattern for quite a while and feel fairly certain that the little combo of hormones turns on a switch for me…a switch that has been turned off for a looooong, loooong time. I’d rather knit than have sex these days. I dunno – we’ll see. Now that I’m actually putting this in writing it seems kind of dumb. Bottom line is, I’m not getting pregnant until I’m healthy, I don’t foresee my sex drive increasing until I’ve shed a few lbs and am feeling better about myself, I’m sick of finding crunchy socks in my husband’s night stand because he needs to take care of himself when I shower in the morning because you couldn’t pay me to have sex right now. I need to get healthy and find a sex drive…I haven’t even been married for a year yet and we have the sex lives of 60 year olds…actually according to Oprah dot com there are 60 year olds and over that have a better sex life than we do. Pathetic.

Rob finally admitted that he needs to loose some weight. Well not so much admitted because it was no secret, but has agreed to take steps to do so. We’re getting back on the treadmill tonight and trying to start into the habit of:

–         get home from work – Stacey & Rob both get changed into walking clothes and shoes

–         Stacey gets on treadmill while Rob unloads/loads dishwasher from previous night

–         Stacey finishes on treadmill and begins making dinner – Rob gets on treadmill.

–         Once both done walking – eat dinner and both clean up, make lunches for the following day

Only after we follow that schedule can we go and smoke a joint – 1 a night – only after dinner is done. My hope…actually no, my plan and my commitment is to cut that back to ZERO as soon as possible. It’s such an awful habit, no addiction, that I’ve picked up – so nice of by husband to introduce me…no frigging wonder I’m so bloody fat and unhealthy.

I just want this so badly – these changes so badly but starting is so scary for me. I want to have more energy and to be able to walk up a flight of stairs without turning purple and getting chest pain. I’m 32 for crying out loud and I’m killing myself with each bite of fat and sodium saturated food I shovel into my pie hole.

I need to find that list at home that I used to have posted on my closet door…what does skinny look and feel like to me…and I want to re-focus on that and visualize where I need to be…I can take the road getting there one step at a time, but the end result needs top be clear so I know when I’m there.<span style="font-family: "Centu

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