An unfinshed entry

January 7th. The last 2 weeks went by way too quickly, but now it feels like days and days since I last wrote – it was only the 5th. My God time is passing slowly. I’m so bored with my work I could cry. I’ve thought about looking for a new job, but I really have no idea what I want to do. I’ve thought a lot over the past couple of months that I’d like to go back to hotels, but then my rational self catches the thought and spits it out. I wasn’t happy with work then either. Maybe it’s so tough because I sit alone. We have over 80 program staff at this location, but my boss & I sit in the new part of the building on the 3rd floor. I never see any of the staff – I hardly know any of them actually. Even writing this out, I know that having more people around will not make the work itself more exciting. I feel stuck. I’m the only one who can get me unstuck. Boo for that.

Eating has been going well. A fave turned me onto sparkpeople.com and I joined yesterday! I love it! It reminds me of Weight Watchers on line but there is a whole lot more information there than WW has. In fact, the site is a little overwhelming because of all of the information. I have to keep reminding myself to take it in slowly and to even start slowly. It’s frustrating me a bit – I want to know it all and I want that now, but that would be impossible. I’ve spent waay too many work hours on the internet yesterday and today…I have to take it slow or I’ll loose my job for dicking around. I’m going to get Rob set up on it this weekend…actually, scrap that….thinking about him and this, just pisses me off – I’ll leave that alone for now.

I haven’t been on the treadmill yet, but I’m not going to beat myself up over it. Again it comes to starting slow and I think that I really need to concentrate on my food intake right now. I know from past experience that treadmillin’ leads to “well I walked tonight so I can have a treat” thoughts. Better to get the food foundation laid before adding another piece. I know that my Naturopath was more concerned about the food and getting my digestion back on track to increase my energy which will allow me to work out. I’m not allowing myself to put if off for weeks and weeks, but this is only day 3 of eating well – I need a few more under my belt. As much as I am trying to not be hard on myself, I can’t help but feel as I write that I’m being a “slacker” and just indulging my comfortable habits. Damn thinking!

I am going to dig out my yoga stuff this weekend though (as soon as I figure out where it’s being stored) and try to get into it. There are a few meeting rooms here at work that do not have windows, so I could do yoga at lunch with a DVD on the laptop. I think that would probably really help with my back and neck pain in the afternoon – getting a good stretch in at lunch. Plus sKY:: has offered to do some lunchtime one on one classes with me – I’ll take her up on it. I have to stop avoiding these types of things because I’m worried what she will think of me…I’m no fatter in sweats than I am in work clothes. And I did ask, when she first offered if she can teach at a level that my body is currently at – I had a bad yoga experience once – I couldn’t do what the rest of the class was doing due to fatness and rather than show me some other options to work on, the instructor told me to sit and wait until I could do what the rest of the class was doing. Nice. So of course, that’s haunted me for almost 6 years and I haven’t tried yoga much since (other than the 1 morning in 2006 I got up before work to do it at home).

Well, suddenly the end of the say is here, so I’m going to post this, clean up my desk and get the eff out of here…until 8am tomorrow anyway.