Babble…

OMG working is painful today. Sort of literally too – headache and my back is in serious need of an adjustment. Tomorrow morning amen.

New Years Eve was a pretty good one for a change. We went to Rob & Jayme’s house for an awesome dinner and many drinks. We were all so desparate to make it to midnight we ended up splitting 3 tabs of E amongst 6 of us – we were still in bed by 1:30am. We slept over – air mattress in the basement. We managed to stay down there until noon which was far better than Sunday morning when Jayme’s kids woke us up at 9. Even with being in bed until noon yesterday was quiet. I was in bed at 8:30pm lastnight – I think it was mostly out of boredom. I’ve got cabin fever – I haven’t driven myself anywhere since the 22nd and with Rob having the truck this week I’m working around his schedule. I wish I could say that I woke up yesterday with a fresh perspective on things. I have some motivation to make changes, but the more I think about it the more impossible it seems. I really feel like I’m at a crossroads and my health is really staring to reflect the past 2 year + of poor lifestyle choices. I just so badly want Rob to jump on board and be supportive. It would be so much easier to do this on my own and reality is I’m going to have to do it on my own. I just hope that it doesn’t affect us negatively. I’ve gotten healthy before and I’ll do it again – though I’ve never been attached when I’ve been good let alone married. Actually thinking about this is really pissing me off. I’m having a hard time with Rob lately and think it might be best to stop before I get ahead of myself – not analyze this to death, and just do, for me, what needs to be done.

Work is a total pain today. Like every other day I suppose. I do find it easier to get into work and actually accomplishing something when my boss is here – so thank goodness she ended her vacation today. BUT, that doesn’t make the fact that my job is as boring as fuck any better. I really do hate this job. It’s too easy and the challenges that I do get I’m not interested in – I never wanted to supervise staff, so mapping out the secretarial work load is like watching paint dry. I’m typically so scared of change, but I think I need to give this some long hard thought over the next little while – I’m not sure I can last another year here. I’m really starting to miss working in hotels and the perks that come along with it. There are no perks working for the government in health care – I still get to wait at the Walk In Clinics or Emergency Rooms just like everyone else. Money is tight as always and Rob & I are both out of vacation time, but I really need to get away – somewhere that’s not my mom’s… truth be told – I want to go away by myself.

This is all over the place and I’m not enjoying the feelings that it’s bringing up to be writing, so I think I’ll check out for now. The weekend is a few hours away and hopefully a weekend of cleaning and getting organized will help clear my head and allow me to feel more prepared for this journey I’m about to take. I have to get healthy or I’m going to face some really serious consequences… 31 is too young to be worried about heart disease, but I am and if I’m not careful it will be a reality not just a worry.

Wow – this entry is a total downer. Out.