01/17/2010

You know, that completion feeling.. Like there is nothing else in life that you have to have!! I want to walk in the park with that special someone, that guy that when he looks into my eyes I will feel so much better! I want to sit next to him in church and have his arm be around me to remind me that I am taken, safe, loved….. I know i keep going on and on about all of this but it is truly how I feel!!

Well I went to church this morning! I was late as always.. I am pretty muvh late to everything I go to!! I know I know thats horrible but that is definetly something about me that I have allways had.. Number one I procrastinate alll the time over everything… Even the most silliest things… I don’t know why I just do!! I need to work on that!! But anyways church was good and I am glad I went!! When I got to work today I talked to Mrs. Margie about a lot of things and she jokingly said she could relate some of my life and what us happening to me and around me to the Jerry Springer show!! At first I was so embarressed but I understood where she was comming from!!

I guess I will clue you in!! Well Charlie (the soon to be exhusband) Filed his taxes and claimed Caylen (our 5 year old) and not only does she not live with him, she lived with me he lives in Georigia!! Soooo he filed in Florida!! and he also recieves EBT and dissability from florida but yet again I say he lives in Georgia!! So here I am a single mom who is about to file taxes and I pay everything on my own and he pays nothing to me and helps me none whatsoever, and he claimed her.. So I called the IRS just to ask what they think I should do!! They told me to claim her and file as normal that he will be the one to get in to trouble!! So hopefully that is what happens and I get the money soon so I can get caught up on my bills!! But anyways He just found out that he is father to another child whith a woman he slept with once 36 months ago… He wants to introduce the child in to Caylens life as her sister!!! Now I know that it is not that babys fault who her sperm donor was but why does all this have to affect Caylens life!!! So anyways he is also cheating on his girl friend with this other girl that I have no idea where he met… But I am trying to stay out of all that as much as possible!!! I really do want my life to be the way it should be!! That way I can be the mom that Caylen needs me to be!! So anyways in saying all that that is going on!! Charleen my new roomate of about a month in a half is pretty cool we get a long pretty well!! I know Wendy cant stand that she lives with me but Oh well!! So the new roomie okay well let me start off with saying that i moved out on my own August 1st into a 3 bedroom 2 bath and the room mate i had when i moved in was Marty… aka Mama Marty me and her got a long pretty well in the beginning but you can only live with a phsyco allcholic pot head for so long!! Need I say anything more about her?? Seriously!!! okay so she left me in mid december and left me to pay all the bills by myself.. Thanks to my parents I was able to get by and stlill have an awesome Christmas!~ So anyways Charleen moved in well heres some what about Char!!! She and her husband divod in March i think of 09 and then 4 days later they got back together!! I know I know freakin hillarious!! Sooo then he went to Iraq (not Millitary) and then they broke up well he just got this girl over there prego and that really tore Char up cause her and mike (her ex husband) tried and tried for the whole 7 years they were together!!! So while all of this was going on she starts seeing this married cop whos name is also MIke!!! lol!! and I got her on PLenty of fish and she was really dating ALOT!! anyways… the married cop has really messed with her mind and now that she broke up with him (stopped sleeping with him) he wants to tell her now that he loves her and blach blah etc… cause he doesnt want to loose his fuck buddy!! So I am trying to convince her that he is no good for her and that she needs to stick with this guy she is with now!! Who is I think a good catch!! Sooo Other then all of this that is going on I am still struggling with day to day life including like financial and emotional and goodness everything really!! I am so tired by the end of the day not cause i have worked hard or anything but because my mind is going on and on about everything and i am allways worried or stressed about something going on… its crazy!!

Oh yeah Vacay is coming up I am suppose to be leavin on the 7th but i am still not sure if I am going to go cause that is money that i will be loosing by not going to work!! cause i dont think that i will be able to use any vacation time but anyways that is still a little bit away I am not going to worry about it as of yet!! Plus OMYGOSH my freaking period has been with me since like i think a month ago I am so tired of bleeding!! I swear i am not going to have any blood left soon!!! well at least it feels that way!!! Well I am at work of course like I always am so I am going to get back to work!! Oh and by the way I think I am going back to school here pretty soon to be a parralegal!!!

Christine Elizabeth