01/16/2010

The future belongs to those who believe in their dreams

 

Well I am 16 days into the year 2010 and I have stuck to my decision on who I am going to do what whith who!!

I have not rejoined plenty of fish! I am very proud of that!

I have been working and keeping my house clean and communicating more with Caylen’s school on her behavior and trying to be more involved! 

I am hoping that this will all keep me busy enough so I dont do anything stupid or slide back on my commitments…

I have also been going to chucrch every week!! I LOVE going..

I haven’t really been doing my Devos like I should so that is something I am working on…. 

I am definetly hanging in there and praying more then what I was before.. I just wish that the special someone that God and invisioned for me will show up soon… I know that he wants me to be divorced first soooo my first appointment is on the 29th I hope that everything goes well and I can soon be completly apart from him… I have no idea how everything is going to go down though, cause we have been seperated for over 2 years yes but we have had so many financial things that we are both in together… 

I dont know what is going to happen or what the judge is going to do… I really wan t full custody of Caylen that way Charlie (her dad) has no say over anything I decide, plus I dont want him to be able to do anything with out my knowledge and consent!! 

I wish Caylen didn’t have to go through any of this!!

This is all my fault and I know it! I knew not to get involved with this man.. Then not only did I get pregnant by him I married him… This loser that I knew would not bring me closer to God! What in the world was I thinking?? 

Was I even thinking at all??? What am I going to do when Caylen gets older and falls in LOVE?? How am I going to explain to her how blind you are when you meet someone that you think you love them but you more then likely are just in love with wanting to be in love or that you are just obsessed with the thought of truly being in love!! What am I going to do?? 

Hopefully when she is older she will be able to learn from all of my mistakes and be so much better and wiser then me!!! I all ready know that she is smarted then me! Hopefully she will be wiser… 

Lord I pray that you have a wonderfull man all ready in the making for my baby girl, and that he is a Godly wise man that is close to you and will allways be!! 

Well tonight I am going to Charleens boyfriends house to hang out for a little bit!! I will have to fill you in later about Char~~~ There is so much to tell!! LOl!!

Church tomorrow morning! I pray that God will pull me a lil closer to him so that I might find a stronger peace in being alone!!

 

Good night.. I have to go back to work and close the store!!

 

~Christine Elizabeth~