Love/hate relationship

That describes my relationship with my job. I know I have a different frame of mind after having the baby. For the most part I really wish I didn’t have to work. I’ve always thought of myself as being a stay at home mom. Even in the past we agreed on that. The past as in when the economy was good. Now as you know, I’m working. Luckily very part time. I am lucky that I’m able to have a set schedule. Where I work is not that kind of place. So I’m lucky there. Also where I work, the only full time employees are management, which sucks for anyone who wants hours. If I really had needed more money, I wouldn’t have been working there for the past 7 years. Speaking of 7 years, I’m getting my review tomorrow maybe. I don’t know why I’m a little nervous about it. I feel like I’m the same kind of worker as before, but I’m just not there as often so I feel like I’m kinda slacking. Also with breastfeeding, I need to take 2 breaks. I hate that I need too but I don’t think I can go down to one. I work a 6 hour shift. For instance like today, I pumped at 5am at home. Then 8:15 at work and at 11 at work. Done at noon. But not home til 1. I’m wondering if I could do a pump in the middle of my shift, like at 9. I don’t know. Anywho, with taking two breaks, I feel like I’m losing that time. I’m one who didn’t take breaks before.

I have switched weekends with another gal cause she asked to. I really didn’t want to but then I thought "hopefully when I need a switch, she’ll help me out". Although I think she’s quitting in May. It makes it so I have the 23rd weekend off, which actually works out for me. We’re going to a wedding nearby. My mom is going to come over to babysit. She’ll put Bruce to bed. I don’t know how that’ll go. We won’t be staying late since it’s our friend’s sister. We won’t really know anyone there. Now this way, I won’t have to worry about what time I wake up the next day, in case he’s still up when we get home.

That means I work Easter, which would’ve been my weekend off. I was glad not to work. But oh well. I only work til noon. Then I come into work today and see the new schedule and she has me on this Sunday (I worked last weekend). I don’t know why I let it bother me. My manager was coming in at 10. When she came in I said "umm about the schedule". She said "oh did I goof something up". I mentioned it and she just said "ok". She just came back from vacation herself and gets goofed up anyways. So I don’t work this Sunday, which I do have plans. My thought was I’m already switching weekends, now working a Sunday that’s not on my weekend? That’s not fair. Although Sunday is time and a half. Don’t JUST schedule me. Like I said, I have plans. I tend to make plans on my weekends off.

I do like that I get a paycheck. Although the past few weeks have been nice, since I haven’t had to pay one bill I always pay since we got money back on our taxes. We used that to pay our monthly bills. But now I just had to send a check off for the bill I pay, so there goes have my check again. I’m thankful that I can pay that don’t get me wrong. When I was on maternity leave, I did feel kinda lost. I didn’t feel like I could go to the store and buy food cause I had no money! Ok that sounds weird. We never joint our accounts. Roger is a signer on my account, so he can add money to it or take money from it if needed. With my maternity leave being unpaid my account started running close to empty. I would need him to transfer money over or go with me to buy it or just get it for me. I do like that I don’t have to ask for money. I have my own. He knows what I have too, so he knows if I need him to pay for something, like gas or whatever.

Ok ramble ramble.