Stop Thinking!

I don’t know why I can’t stop wondering if we’re going to have another child or not.

During my pregnancy, well especially after Florida with our nephew who is an only child, I kept saying "at least 2". Nephew so needed someone to pester. He just has Roger. Plus I think of how wonderful it was/is to have a brother.

After I gave birth, I mean like an hour after, I remember saying to my mom "This might be my only one". I still think that’s a possibility. I know all along Roger has said 1 or 2. We’ve never been set on a number or really even talked about it. I have SO much love for Bruce, I just don’t know how it’d be possible to love another like him, or how to share that love. I KNOW, if there is a second, I KNOW the love will be just as strong.

I had a dream last night we we had a baby, it was baby #3. Hmm.

I keep seeing stuff and wondering if I should wait until I’m done having kids. For instance, Roger and I have Christmas stockings, his has a R and mine has a L on it. I figured I’d get a B. Then I see in a catelog, get one with our names on it, or get one that says Dad, Mom, Bruce. IF we had more, it might be hard to find the exact one to complete the set. Another for instance, I’ve been looking at these necklaces on Etsy, have Bruce’s name on it, with birthday, maybe footprints. I saw some that you can have multiples on it. I’m trying not to think about that. I’m looking for one I want and tell Roger and he can get it for me for Christmas.

It’s always on my mind "are we going to have more"? Why does it matter right now? Even if we are, I don’t want to start on that road yet. I just don’t get it.