Stress thy name is O

ugh, my head is killing me

so my head is killing me. i hate that i pick up the stress of others. it makes me tired and gives me a head ache. totally sucks.

i only got to see Tosh for a bit today. i mean i got to wake up next to him (absolutely love that), but he didn’t stay long because he knew i wasn’t going to stay awake with him. which is fine, his back hurt and i wanted to sleep some more.

since the freak out with Drunkin, Tosh hasn’t stayed the nite even though we both love waking up in the same bed. and it’s not even sexual, i just love the feel of him next me, the way he smells and when he wakes himself up quacking like a duck for no reason. 😆 he did that last nite. talk about too funny.

having him back in my bed Sunday nite was the best. i woke up to cuddle time and him saying “i love sleeping wit cha”. *sigh*

tonite he stopped back over for a minute and we watched about 2 minutes of the Washington/Dallas game. Ovie was playing so that’s why. then he laid down on the bed and was like “come lay with me for a minute”. so i laid on his chest and he rubbed my back and played with my hair and tonite i finally felt it. i felt myself completely fall. i wanted to say i love you, but i’m afeerd to. yeah O, gets afeerd. O still gets butterflies when he calls me baby. i’m so in love with this man. i wouldn’t trade a Tosh for a Milton. i would’ve traded a Rollie for a Milton in a heart beat.

we laid on the bed for like 10 minutes, just laying there. not even talking. it was so nice. he’s wondemous. and yeah, i’m gushing. i can’t help it.

then he had to go. i got the tight squeeze hug, followed with a sigh. i love those.

when i talked to him tonite on yahoo i felt really bad for him. i think she’s worse than Cuntface ever was. *sigh*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tosh: hey baby
O: hiya hunny
Tosh: my boy didnt get to go to camp
O: that’s shitty.
Tosh: and my ex wife is being a bitch saying hes a terrible kid and its all our fault
O: is he super bummed?
O: ugh. did you freak on her? i would’ve
Tosh: i am sooooooo tired of having to do this merry go round of depression and anxiety with her
Tosh: she sounds like she is still miserable
Tosh: and her husband makes her life hell because of j
Tosh: i am shaking
O: why because he’s not a jock?
Tosh: im so sad of dealing with this shit i could die
O: i wish i could hug you hun.
Tosh: i have no idea about any of it
Tosh: i just get the fallout
O: ugh
O: so she doesn’t talk to you about anything unless the boys are “bad”?
Tosh: i had a big talk with him about how he needs to keep her happy cuz if shes not nobody is
Tosh: she wont hardley discuss them being bad
Tosh: just that they r
Tosh: no instances
O: horrible communication. that sucks
Tosh: every thing i advise she says “thats not the cure all”
Tosh: i say what do u wanna try
Tosh: she says idk
O: poor J, i feel bad for him
Tosh: he sounds like he dont understand why hes always in trouble i could cry
O: he probably doesn’t. and then he’s just got to “do the right thing” and not make anyone mad. dude prolly walks on eggshells. *sigh*
Tosh: they all do
Tosh: i did
Tosh: when i was married
Tosh: i know what its like
O: so not fair. he’s just a baby
Tosh: i just hope she dont give them actual issues
O: poor kids
O: and hunny? anytime you need/want to vent about them, i’ll listen. i won’t tell you what you should do or anything.
Tosh: i know
O: i’ll just be and ear and a shoulder
Tosh: i appreciate it
O: that’s what i’m here for hun
Tosh: im gonna have a big talk about reality of their ma when they get here this summer
Tosh: i still need to cook dinner
Tosh: lol
O: omg, that’s prolly why you’re shaking
Tosh: im so sad now
O: aww hunny
O: i wish i knew what to say
Tosh: its ok
O: if i could i’d just wrap my arms around you and hug you tight
Tosh: ty
O: yw hunny
Tosh: i wished i had stayed
Tosh: i miss u already lol
O: aww. i miss you too hunny. it feels so good laying with you. i was happy to see you if only for a few minutes
Tosh: i was too
O: it’s funny cuz you popped up and Jess was just asking me about you
Tosh: so u talk to people bout me?
O: she says that she was veggie once and lived off of frenchfries and egg and cheese crissants from BK
O: why wouldn’t i?
Tosh: thats funny
O: i told her that it sounded very healthy
Tosh: it soes
Tosh: does
O: i spend 90-98% of my time with you, why wouldn’t i talk about you?
Tosh: i dont really so i guess it weas the same
Tosh: lol
O: i’m much more of a talkative person than you are
Tosh: i guess so
O: you guess? lol, dude it’s so true
Tosh: yeah
O: and it’s not like i’ve got anything bad to say about you
Tosh: i have got to go make something to eat im starting to feel faint
Tosh: i will talk to u inna bit
O: don’t do that
O: lol
O: k, have fun
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tosh: so what did u end up eating
O: eggrolls and rice
Tosh: yum
O: it was ok
O: not really what i wanted, but it was ok
Tosh: i didnt cook my fish cuz i didnt wanna fry so i had spaghetti and tuna sub
Tosh: mmmmmmm
O: tuna is yuck
Tosh: whatever
O: i think it is
Tosh: my back hurts
O: i’d rub it if i could
O: take a hot bath?
Tosh: i know
Tosh: no bath curtain and my mom is sleepin so no shower
Tosh: bath is small
O: you don’t need a curtain to take a bath hun
Tosh: u have to keep alternating hot parts and cold parts
O: lmfao
O: most guys won’t take a bath anyway
Tosh: i hate baths unless ur whole body can be submerssed
Tosh: i will if its big enough
O: my rents have a corner tub. it’s awesome. the last time i was in it, i was watching a redwings game and smoking. it was like heaven
O: lmfao
Tosh: the first pic of the vid u posted is awesome his dreads are fucking killer
O: figured you’d like that
O: i can’t watch it so i just hope for the best when i post videos
Tosh: hahha
O: like when i posted the black betty amberlance. and it had been reported so it wouldn’t post
O: that was a piss off
Tosh: i feel like im in a fine mood now but its wierd because i know if i wanted i could start crying instantly i am so stressed out
Tosh: that is a wierd feeling
O: maybe you need to cry hunny
Tosh: like i have to choose which one
Tosh: it wont help
Tosh: not right now at least
O: it doesn’t make you feel better?
O: i haven’t cried in a couple of months
Tosh: it depends on what im crying bout
O: a hot bath and a good cry. always helps me. too bad your tub sucks.
Tosh: my dads leavin in like 10 min so im gonna end up smoking and reading or playin a game
O: and your back might hurt more from being stressed out
Tosh: hopefull i can feel better
O: i hope so
Tosh: im sure it does
Tosh: i wanna hug my boys
O: i know you do hunny.
O: i wish i had a magic wand
Tosh: hehe so do i
O: it’s been broken for a long time and i think the shop went out of business and kept it.
O: i should sue
Tosh: dallas ended up beatin washinton
O: wow
O: you spell so pretty
Tosh: did u see that they r offerin a no questions asked 10,000 reward for the missing crosby stick
O: nope
O: i hope someone puts in a wood chipper
O: lmfao
Tosh: lol
Tosh: omg my fuckin back is excruciating
O: aww
O: get off the computer
O: go lay down or something hunny
O: don’t sit there and hurt your back on the computer
Tosh: i was gonna in a couple minutes
Tosh: its hard not to think bout it
Tosh: lol
Tosh: i need to smoke
O: your mind is prolly racing and it’s just getting you more pissed, hurt, sad and stressed
Tosh: im so beyond mad
Tosh: i dont get mad anymore
Tosh: its just depressing
Tosh: lol
Tosh: i stopped getting mad along time ago
O: *sigh*
Tosh: hehe
Tosh: have a good night sweety
Tosh: im gonna get off for now
O: ok hunny
O: i hope you feel better
Tosh: i will check abck later
Tosh: to see if ur still up
Tosh: ty
O: if not pretty dreams
Tosh: bye baby