It’s 4.03 and I can’t sleep without you by my side

i toss and turn like the sea

Tosh
whats up
O
nada
you’re up early
Tosh
how u feeling
i went to bed at 9
O
better
wow
i went to bed at 2
how are you feeling?
Tosh
allright
i think im more depressed than anything
O
like i said last nite, don’t get sick
i’m sorry hunny, i really wish i could do something to help
holidays suck
Tosh
u gonna watch the game with me tonight?
O
maybe
didn’t even get a chuckle huh?
Tosh
sorry im jusat off a bit
O
no worries
don’t be sorry, i totally understand
i’d even understand if you didn’t want to hang out and wanted to be alone
Tosh
that makes it worse
if u wanna b alone just say something
O
well, then, like i said before, anything that i can do, i will
i’m ok. i just feel like i’m not much fun for you to hang out with. lol
if i need space, trust me i’ll tell you
Tosh
k
10:54amO
i’m sorry Tosh
Tosh
for what
O
for not being able to help
Tosh
u do
O
🙂
you need some sunshine
you should go to the tanner
Tosh
i wish i knew what would help
nothin sounds good
O
you’re bleh
Tosh
even gettin high just seems old
O
:O
Tosh
be back
O
kk
Tosh
well, feel like hangin out?
11:03amO
hmmmmm
you really want to come over this early?
Tosh
what else am i gonna do
ur better to hang out with
O
dance?
Tosh
its sad around here
i don t dance
O
yes you do 😀
why is it sad around there?
Tosh
boring
O
and it’s not here?
omg, there’s nothing to do here
Tosh
better company
O
except listen to me sneeze, lol
and make fun of me for it
😛
O
hunny, you are always welcome to come over
Tosh
k i will b there inna bit
O
kk
drive careful

it’s been a bleh couple of days for Tosh. I feel really bad for him. He’s not been himself at all and I can’t fix it. I had a rough couple of days myself.
Let me just say that the nites are harder to deal with than the days. I sit here at nite when he’s not here and just feel like crying. Have I become so dependent on someone else for my own happiness that I can’t deal with being by myself for a few hours? Jeezuz I hope not. I mean I care about him and I heart him, but he’s not my world. It’s way too soon for that.
***

that convo was all from a few days ago. i’m feeling better now and so is he.

yesterday he was in a great mood. we went and sold my wedding rings and i took him to lunch. we both had gyros, so yum. then we went to the mall and wondered around. met up with his mom and he tried to get money from her to buy stuff, she shut him down. that was kinda funny, he’s so spoiled.

we went to hot topic because i knew that they had vinyl of Bob Marley and had told him about it. he found an album that he wanted, but his mom got for him for xmas, she told me. 😀 he doesn’t know yet, but he’s going to be happy about it.

we left the mall and went to an oriental food store, he’s been telling me he’s going to make me loompia for the longest time and he just needed the springroll wrappers to make them. so, we got those and went back to his house.

then we had to go to the store and we picked up some fried rice. dinner was good, loopmia is yummy, but i couldn’t eat much because we’d just had freakin gyros. lol.

then we went and rented movies and came back here. we didn’t really have cuddle time but holding hands was nice. i thought he was going to stay last nite because it was like 2am when we finished watching 28 days later, but he didn’t. he left. 🙁 it’s funny how sometimes when he talks he says stuff and then has to fix what he says. like last nite he says to me “i’ll see you in the morning” and i was like ok? and he says “oh, uh, i mean i’ll call ya tomorrow”. uh huh. weirdo. lol.

but it was nice to have the old Tosh back. joking with me at the mall and rubbing up against me. we were in FYE and they had the new Adult Swim box set and of course it was on the highest shelf, i tried to reach for it and in a store of like a million people i hear him laughing at me because i can’t reach it. of course he then gets to be the man and get it down for me, while still laughing. i told him he was lucky we were in public or i’d have bitten him. lol.

i missed happy Tosh. 🙂

i talked to my buddy Ry the other day. he and his wife moved back from GA and that makes me happy. i missed him, he’s going to help me go get the rest of my stuffs from the house and he said that he’s got a bed i can have. yay! Ry is one of my best buddies, i’ve known him since 6th grade and he’s always been good to me.

oh oh oh, wow, can’t believe i forgot this! June called (that’s my mother for those of you who don’t know), she invited Tosh and i to xmas eve at her house. dude, seriously, she didn’t invite Rollie for like 2 years after we started dating. either she’s in a really good mood or she likes Tosh. i also found out that she no longer smokes pot. that shocked the hell out of me, my mom has smoked for as long as i can remember.

so Tosh agreed to go, but he told me that i had to go to his family deal. he’s a dork.

ok, i need to get moving and do some laundry and junk. yay.

oh yeah, i’m trying to stop smoking. i only had one yesterday and i’m fighting it this morning, because dude, i wanna cigarette, but i’m ok. i’m not like pissy or anything. it’s easy when i’m with people who don’t smoke. 🙂

happy holidays guys. i hope you all get your wishes. 🙂