It’s all your fault, you called me beautiful….

You turned me out and now I can’t turn back

Finally finished with my CNA stuff and just doing skills checks and finishing up the other hoops that I have jump through.

Went for my first skills check today and got there early, also forgot to bring a book. So I’m sitting in the lobby waiting to get called back and I look up and to what my wondering eyes should bring?! My first true love.

It seems that if I talk about him enough he shows up. Last week I was talking about him to Sarah (one of my classmates) and out of no where there he is.

I’ve not seen him in at least 7 years. Prolly more like 8, and that was brief. I had driven through his neighborhood, just for kicks and the fucker was out in the yard. Of course I had to stop and say hi. And as I’m standing there talking to him, butterflies fighting to get out of my tummy, a girl comes out of the house. As it turns out, it’s his second wife. Bleh. I wasn’t really crushed; I was just hoping that he was happy. It’s kinda like the Milton thing, I don’t want them back, I just want them to be happy with whomever they are with.

So anywhore, today I see him and as he’s walking past me he looks at me and there’s like no recognition. I say hi and he says hi and then I say how are you and he says good and asks how I am and I say I’m doing ok. And that’s it. He just keeps on walking, like I’m a complete stranger. I’ve known him for 19 years; I’d find him in a crowd without trying. I know his voice in the dark, his smell in the wind.

Then my mind wonders off into lala land because I stayed up way too late on the phone with Husky, my rock, last nite. And here comes Jerry again, he slaps me on the arm and brings me out of my stupor. Lol. And when I jump he says “jumpy much?” We did the hug thing and idle chatter thing; he tells me that his dad, his sweet old dad, had a pacemaker put in last year and is doing ok now. Then he throws in that he’s divorced again and I tell him that I’m going through one of my own, but that I was smart and didn’t have kids. Lol. He then throws in that he’s got a new gf and that he’s never going to get married again. I told him that I prolly wouldn’t either. I gave him the campbell’s condensed soup version of what happened and he said like so many have “that something was going on”. I don’t want to think about that.

I wanted to give him my number, tell him to call me. Just to catch up, but once he threw the gf into the convo I didn’t think that would be a good idea. But he did make sure to tell me that he was living back with his parents and that she was staying with someone else. Not that I’m reading anything into that, because it could’ve just been him spewing info.

So many memories I have of him, 10 years of off and on dating does that to you. But when I hugged him, I didn’t feel it. Of course I was jittery and jumpy, but I wasn’t like I used to be when I was gaga for him.

I was pissed off at myself for not getting up earlier and putting make up on. Lol, I looked like a complete hag, but he’s seen me look worse.

And I’ve lost my wallet. Bleh.

ps- i found it 🙂