and scream and shout and let it out

 i am so lonely. this is truly horrible. i dont know if i can do this.

so it has only been a weekend. not even perhaps. and i am stuck in this smokey room. this is worse than DGH. at least i had a car and only lived an hour away from home. right now i am on the other side of the world. in the middle of nowhere. completely alone. and i miss bubba so much. i miss being home. i am ridiculously homesick and i dont know how to stop being so. 

i have to be strong. only 7 weeks to go. only 7 weeks. only 7 weeks PM you can do this. BE STRONG. this is your chance in life. when else can you be so far from home for so long?

it is completely natural to be homesick. 

just think of all the good things. you can study. you can lose weight. you can be sure that you are strong enough to live without the other half. and just imagine how amazing it will be when you come home. imagine how much you will be hugged and kissed and loved. and think of all the good things to come. passing finals, and getting married. i know this is difficult for you, and i know you havent been away from him like this for more than a month. well, kind of. but you can do this. you only feel like this right now because you have nothing to do. just wait until tomorrow, you will be ok, ok?

yes. just relax. enjoy the calm. enjoy the cool weather while it is lasting. and be STRONG. 

and if you need to waste $50 for internet just to feel less homesick, then SO BE IT. you can afford to let go. ok?

dont panic. i know you feel like it is a waste, but it is for your peace of mind, and happiness, so go nuts kiddo.

what would dad say right now? he would say not to worry and to enjoy yourself. right? yes, he would. 

doesnt help that i havent spoken to mum in 2 weeks. but don’t worry, you will soon.  i miss her lots too. i just want her to tell me to be safe. 

i think some comfort food tonight will do you some good 🙂

just relax. if you need to cry, let it out.  ok? yes. be a good girl now, brush your hair, wash your face, drink some water, feel better.