your sex takes me to paradise

I am engaged.

it happened last week. on our anniversary night. 

i am super happy. although the novelty has worn off a little. especially since i have had to return my ring to my fiance (yeah omg) to get it resized. i know i said i wanted the diamond to be huge, but i never thought he would actually get a huge diamond. its 2 carats. flawless. certified. and im waiting for a fancier band anyway. but i wont be receiving that until i get back from elective. 

anniversary night was incredible. i get excited about it every time i think about it. but it’s difficult to get excited about it when no one else was there. 

i got home at about 6. he gave me flowers. and chocolates. and then i got ready. i had bought a new dress…black, with pleats on the skirt. below knee length. i had been worried about wearing it. but even i admit, i looked good. i wore a black belt tights and sparkly black shoes. my hair for some reason just set perfectly. i looked classy and sophisticated and i smelt good. my feet didnt even hurt! then we were waiting for the cab to arrive. he hugged me for a little while. well for ages. that hug that kinda means he sinks into me. i could feel he needed me. or that he couldnt let go. or something. there was a pull in it. 
he kept telling me he was scared. and i told him not to be. and that he had nothing to be scared about. of course i kinda had an idea what he was planning for the night, but sometimes he does that. he says that when he is under stress. and when he feels nervous. i thought maybe he was particularly scared about the fact that we had officially been together for 3 years. or maybe he was scared about the surprise dinner he had planned for us. but then he stepped back and told me he loved me. and got down on one knee and this ring came up in his hands and he said "bubba, marry me bubba?" 
i was so taken aback and surprised that it had happened like that, and yet i knew it was happening as it was happening. i said yes, and started crying and he put the ring on my finger and came up and hugged me and we kissed and we told each other we loved each other. and i was so happy. and i he asked me if i liked it, and i said it was incredible.

it was just how it had to be. it was just us. and i looked good and he looked handsome in his suit. and i love the fact that he couldnt keep it in, and couldnt wait, because he was too nervous. and it just summed us up. that we just cant keep anything from each other. 

i couldnt stop staring at it. almost a week later i still look at it constantly. i have become so used to wearing it that not having it on my hand now is awkward. i sometimes move to touch it and readjust it on my finger and it’s not there. 

dinner was AMAZING. his friend had organised an 8 course meal at the restaurant where he is head chef. we had champagne on arrival, followed by the BEST wine i have ever drunk my entire life (now my favourite wine EVER). we had a cherry beer with our soup starter course. the food was incredible, the drink was flowing. we were happy. it was magical. we snuggled up in bed at the hotel we were at. i could have gone all the way for the first time, but everything was so comfortable, and smooth, and romantic, it didnt need to happen. i woke up the next morning completely refreshed. completely happy. completely whole. we had breakfast ordered in. and then made our way home. 

we have been ecstatically happy since. well, a breakdown on the weekend. it almost felt like we were breaking up. i think it was more a test to see if this was really what we wanted. but as with all major fights we have, the pain and hurt is nothing compared to what it would be if we considered the alternative. i could never live without him. he is a part of me. 

the sad thing about me is that no one knows me like he does. which is wonderful for our relationship. but it means i feel lost without him when he is not with me. and i guess no one can really understand us. or understand me and my reason being with him. 

 

he finally met my sister. she was ridiculous as ever. and he came to that conclusion himself. i am so….done with her. keeping the peace for the wedding isnt challenging. but i am just waiting for her to fuck up so i can finally tell her to shove it. in a good way, we dont see each other enough for it to happen. she definitely needs a blow in the face for being so retarded. perhaps admission to a psychiatric unit. i am almost certain she is bipolar. or at least suffering from many personality disorders. which sadly is incurable and not really easy to treat. but maybe a shove in the right direction will get her to open her eyes anyway.

 

either way, i am happy. i am well. i am healthy. 

i am stressed, but only due to my own pressures that i have to cope with. every weekend comes and goes and i never get a chance to study with everything going on. i need to focus. but i am just so mentally exhausted all the time. i will get into gear this week i hope. even if the weekend is gonna mess it up again. christmas will be nice. cannot wait to be able to just sit and work and get going with it. 

lots to organise though.

i have a fiance though. so anything that goes wrong, it doesnt matter. i have him. and he loves me and i love him.

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yay congrats!! how wonderful!!