miss her, kiss her, love her

i dont really know where to start. this is mainly about last night’s dream.

it was NOT about ST. which is pissing me off. but about SS. who i havent spoken to in years but popped up on facebookfeed the other day.

i have been having a lot of sex dreams in the last month. im guessing because i am clearly frustrated. and im currently studying about STDs in med school. either way, its happening. a lot. 

usually when i have them, they are with COMPLETE minging randoms. i dont know, my subconcious or some shit? something to do with low self esteem or some other bullshit.

but this one about SS was different. it was fun. and i liked it. and i kinda didnt want to wake up. but im annoyed it was about him and not ST. 

so i was living at my dad’s practice…only it looked the way it USED to look, before we made all the changes. and SS turned up on my doorstep. and i let him in. and we made out. a lot. and it was good. and it was about to lead to more, when my parents showed up. and i had to pretend that SS was just a friend, who had come over for revision. we were both incredibly….annoyed that my parents had shown up, couldnt wait to get rid of them. and finally eventually, slowly, they left, and we pretty much got down to business as soon as we shut the front door. 

i am not attracted to SS. i never have been. in fact I think that is probably the only reason me and him never worked. we were never attracted to each other. but in the dream, there was that dream glow…and he looked…different. maybe there was a little bit of ST mixed in there. i dunno. all i can really remember in the dream is that the kissing was good. i mean good. SS was always a good kisser..but when ST turns it on and kisses me..it’s different.

we dont do that as much any more. because it is too good. and then i want more. but it’s never right timing. so now, we dont do it much at all. and when it does happen, it gets so sexy, but i gotta shut it down quicker.

i think the thing that scared me the most about the dream was the fact that in my head somewhere, i knew i was meant to be with ST, not this guy…and part of the excitement was the idea that it was secret. and that i was cheating?! im hoping it was the secrecy part of it more than the latter. i could never cheat on ST. i love him so much. i would never ever do that. 

anyway, i had to get the dream out of my head. it was bugging me. it’s also made me super-turned-on. i need my boyfriend.