don’t blame it on the sunshine…

so far im not doing so bad with regards to resolutions, but im not doing SO great either. slowly but surely i will get there.

i have been REALLY good on the public transport thing. and i have not taken a cab more than once a week. (ive even not taken a cab a WHOLE week). 

i did eat mcdonalds again. but it was late at night and ST was starving marvin, so he went and got some, and stupidly got me some too. but i modified it and put some homemade stuff in it too. but i am determined to not have it this month as a result.

i have been cooking more often again. V day i cooked a huge 3 course vegetabley meal for the 2 of us. it was amazing. 
Starter: mushroom, beetroot, avocado, cherry tomato salad
Main: spicy pesto rice stuffed pepper, a veggie mince stuffed portabello mushroom, and honey and rosemary roasted squash with potato, shallots and garlic (best part of the meal…SO good). 
Dessert: Peach and passion fruit crumbles with peach yoghurt.
there was a bowl of prepared strawberries, and a bottle of champagne in the fridge (but those never really got utilised because we both had to wake up early next morning)

i surpassed myself. and yeah, it was all a bit mish-mashy…and perhaps some of it didnt really go together, but oh man was it good.

and we defo got more than our 5-a-day. BOOM. awesome.

i’m really trying with that. 

im not quite on top of all my work, but ive definitely being doing a lot. im hoping to be done with psych this weekend, and move on to neuro next week and have that all done and dusted roughly 2-3 weeks before exams so i can re-read it all and do lots of questions. 

i skipped zumba last saturday. im on my p-week so i felt rough. and although ive been eating a lot this week, im raring to go for this saturday. my body really does respond to exercise, i think im already feeling healthier or something. i dunno, i think by doing a couple of zumba sessions already im keeping the gut from growing. but if i up my exercise levels, i can possibly get rid of it altogether. 

i had stopped itching and picking my thumbs until about 10 days ago…i gave in to a small piece, and then it just looked messy, and i tried to clean it up and let it heal, but my picking has escalated and now my hands look a mess again. BUT it’s not bled at all, and im really trying hard to stop myself from doing it.

ive also started laser treatment for my face. had the test patch done on tuesday, and i think im really gonna benefit from having it. sucks that i HAVE to shave though. the thought of putting a razor to my face is horrible. i dont know if i should just use scissors to trim the hair down the day of the appointment or whether i should shave a couple days before? im not allowed to have it threaded at ALL, so i dont know what i’m going to do before my exams this module…i may have to close shave it?! ew ew ew. how does someone shave their face? i know men do it every day, but women are just not taught how to. i need to control my facial hair growth with a razor and i dont know how.

sometimes i wonder if i should put a picture of myself up. i wonder how people would respond. it’s always interesting seeing the face of who you read about..sometimes ive been surprised, sometimes pleasantly, sometimes not so much…but then i re-read what i just wrote about facial hair, and i remember why i dont put a picture of myself up. also, anonyminity is the key! 
although im sure that if someone i knew read this, they would be able to work out who i was from the content. but why make myself more susceptible to that?

i actually have nothing to write about here. just felt like it had been a while. 

i think SK is mad. PS is a ho and a half and i just dont know why SK chooses to make the effort to be a good friend to her. i get the feeling that SK undervalues herself a lot more than she should. either that, or she’s not that bothered by how people treat her. to which i would say, fair enough, and i think there is an element of that. BUT she does get upset about PS sometimes. and if she didnt really care, she wouldnt get so frustrated, and wouldnt put up with the nonsense. i couldnt even really say what she needs to do to stop being walked over, cos it’s not even really like thats happening. PS just needs to stop doing what she does, she needs to grow up and stop putting her shit on people when she’s a 24 year old woman, not a 16 year old girl. when are grown up people going to stop acting like they’re still at school?! i dont want bad things to happen to her, i would just want her to stop doing bad things to other people. 

i went to visit SN in paris last month as well. took SK with me, and we had an awesome weekend. REALLY REALLY awesome. until SN lost her phone in the club (because she was less wary of it, because she had a little alcy-hole…for the first time…and hopefully last). then it all just started to unravel. and everything that could go wrong went wrong. and now, finally, i have a heads up that she’s kinda ok about it all, and wants to move on from the ugliness that was the "sunday after" and she wants to do a do-over weekend. it was honestly one of the best weekends i had, had in a long time. i miss her though. even though we were on and off on the contacting each other, there’s something about her not being around here any more that makes me want to see her more. 

i met up with MN. that was a really nice night. dinner was not the greatest meal i have ever had, but it was just nice to see her and talk about what we always talk about again. i had been worried that she wasnt how i remembered her, and i was worried that my friend had disappeared into the midst of a different uni, and a deceased parent, and a new boyfriend. but she hasnt. she was exactly how i remembered her. and it was so good. we spoke of DP. apparantly they met a while ago at some mutual event and he asked about me. another example of how people are yet to grow up. he’s starting with medicine all over again at a different uni, and still feels the need to hang out with freshers?! AND complains about how its rough…well, this aint a difficult dilemma..DONT DO IT! hang out with people your own age who can relate to your situation. loserface. 
oh and btw DP…my boyfriend might have a whole other family in india somewhere? yeah? that was your top tip when i told you about him right? FUCK YOU, at least im happy and not going to die alone because i cant be bothered to give anyone a chance (despite being a minger), based on ideals and a checklist i came up with when i was 14. HA.

i am yet to meet up with SL. im going to attempt to rampage her house this weekend. hopefully she will be in for me to go and see her. her contacting levels are slowly gradually going up. i know she’s still n

ot there. and i know she’s still not happy. and i know, i really really know she wishes she could hide in a magic hole that would take her back 6 months and just stay there. and i know how that feels. and it makes you want to not accept whats going on in the real world. and it makes you want to try and avoid things that are moving on and ahead. so i figured i would just go there for a little while. maybe take her out. maybe help her remember some good times. maybe talk to her a little. maybe make her feel like it’s ok to feel the way she is feeling. and that she’s allowed to miss her dad, and she’s allowed to feel like it shouldnt have happened. it shouldnt have happened. it really shouldnt have happened. but it did. 

something strange occurred to me a few weeks back. 

the night before we went to paris, SK ambushed me with a skype with SSj. we spoke a little while. i over-compensated for the awkwardness. i over talked to brush over the fact that i knew she was still good friends with AM, and had clearly CHOSEN to continue being friends with her over me. and the fact that she just doesnt care about who i am or being my friend at all. each to their own. i pretended like i didnt know, and wasnt fake…so to speak…more just…as superficial as i am with people i dont know or dont like very much. i keep it to small talk. i would have preferred not to have spoken about my relationship with ST. especially with her, who showed such little interest in it when i specifically messaged her about it. (i have a tendency to see a bigger friendship with people than there really is).
after, SK said that she had asked about me, and how everything was, and a little perspective came my way. "yeah, i was just like everything in PM’s life is actually going really good…"

and it really is. i dont have much to complain about. i might be bitter and twisted, and dislike people, and have a sense of the fact that i am probably developing some level of agoraphobia…BUT, everything is really good. and i do not take it for granted. i am enjoying myself as much as possible. 
so much so, that every morning, before ST leaves for work, i do what i refer to as a "morning-time-boogie". and sometimes i get him to join in a little. and i do it every night when he comes back from work (evening-time-boogie). today i did a "going-to-watch-brain-surgery-boogie", in the expectant hope that i would be watching some brain surgery…which i clearly am not. because i travelled 40 mins into uni to find out teaching was fucking CANCELLED. but either way…i am happy enough to boogie day and night. the only time i didnt boogie, was last night. cos he came home at 10.30pm. and i was in sleepy mode. and forced out of sleepy mode to cook some spaghetti. 

which i am going to eat the leftovers of right now.

boogie-out.