it’s not you it’s me

 i know i sound ungrateful. and i know girls just dream of anyone popping the question and getting a fancy ring and all that. but he’s got it all wrong. and its making me feel crazy.

i think he’s got me a single white diamond. i dont want that. that isnt me. its too simple. and anything more than a single white diamond is too fancy. its just not me. the only thing i can invisage sitting on my finger is an emerald. a single emerald, with 2 diamonds either side. its simple. and something different. something most people dont go for. something unique. and i just want to scream that he doesnt know me at all if he cant figure that out. and i feel so quilty for feeling all this. and i want to rip my hair out for it. but i just cant stop crying, because i know im a selfish ungrateful bitch. a single white diamond is just not me at all. even if it was the biggest stone in the world, its just not me. 

i wish he understood. and i wish he could understand. and ive hinted so many times. i even showed him rings a year ago. he bookmarked the pages and forgot. he tagged them and decided to do what he thinks i should be. im not a single white diamond. im more than that. im not generic am i? am i just a random run of the mill girl? i thought i had personality? i thought i was something different. i guess not.