nothing of interest.

i need to write my cancer project all over again. i just cant get going. i dont know why…it should be easy enough…maybe thats why though. I cant write with no pressure. and i wouldnt say my best writing was when i was under pressure, i would say i just find it easier to flow. when i have a busy week, and its in next monday..i still have a week. i dont want this looming on me. but then on top of that…if i get this out of the way, thats a week of other studying i have to do. i dont know if i can. this year is just so relentless. and yet so complicated.

and also i keep ordering food in. my desire to cook has gone out of the window. i used to enjoy it…and now..i dunno, it just seems futile. maybe because i have no one to eat with any more. SL would eat her quorn escalopes..and shes moved out now anyway. and ST…hes just not passionate. quick and easy..its well..easy.

ive stopped swimming so much…partly because SL moved out. and last time i went it was so…quiet and so unnerving. and kinda haunting.

my bowels are on the flip as well. supposedly because of the tablets i have to take every morning to battle the sickness. im trying not to have to take them these days. i didnt have to yesterday! hopefully it will help.

maybe when i go grocery shopping for myself and am not stuck buying things that other people want i can feel a bit free-er about what i want to eat. like risotto. i loooove making my risotto. because it still tastes good the next day.

and my pasta bake. my cheesy broccoli past bake. again…it tastes good the next day.

i like making spaghetti bolognese. thats pretty good the next day. or on toast. or on a baked potato. i miss eating baked potatoes with cream cheese.

i miss eating cheese and sweetcorn on toast.

i think the cheddar cheese i bought last time really put me off a lot of food. it was kinda gross. and totally weird. and put me off all the stuff i used to cook.

i also love making sausages with mash and gravy and steamed veg. normal food i used to cook.

perhaps going grocery shopping will help.

i cant say my diet is good. but i try. i try and make it rounded. and im trying with the 5-a-day. its not going very well to be honest. but any veg i do pick up does get eaten. i hardly ever throw fruit out..only when it goes mouldy. so thats not too bad right?

having said that, i just ordered a pizza. and i like chillies on my food and i asked for extra chillies and he asked me if i had a cold recentl. brilliant. i thought i was the only one that thought like that?! apparantly not.

i cant even write a decent diary entry. whats wrong with me. im just cold and bored. and kinda hungry. but that might be the boredom.

if i can think of anything more to write, i’ll add more later. but for now..thats all.