curiosity, infatuation, satisfaction

there is a first for everything. last night was the first time i gave someone a blowjob.

a semi-blowjob. but definitely penis in mouth…blowjob.

im a little freaked out with myself. and it all seemed natural.

ST was as surprised as i was that i did it. i asked him when he realised what it was i was doing. he said the second i stopped.

and i had to stop. i developed massive pain in my mouth. it was kinda funny, i was doing it, and i got kinda tired, and i stopped, and he asked me if i was enjoying it. then i said i wasnt really sure, and asked him if he was, and he said “yeah of course”. i told him i had no idea what i was doing. he said he had no idea what was going on either. and then i kinda stopped completely, and he said “are you ok?” and i said, no…my mouth really hurts. he started laughing and told me to stop and pulled me up to him and hugged me close and told me he loved me and kissed me and hugged me harder. even though it was dark, i knew he was happy…everything he said had the inflection of a smile in it. then he asked me if i was putting the whole of him in. and i said “what?” and he said “like….are you putting the whole thing in? or just part of it?” and i said…cant you tell? and he said “i dont know, it all felt good”.

i was kinda in shock after. during. before. i sort of felt it creep up i me, this curiousity. and i just thought, if im going to do it ever, i should do it now when i know i have the guts to.

so i kissed him. i told him i loved him. i kissed his jaw, chin, neck, while fiddling with his manhood. i pulled him out of his shorts and felt it all in my hand. and then i slid down the bed and i kissed his stomach. and i leant forward and found myself kissing his balls. then i found myself kissing the rest of him…and then i found myself taking it into my mouth. i started by licking and stuff. and then started up and down on it. to be honest, i had no idea what i was doing. but something spurred me on…it was the little noises i could hear of “oh fuck…that feels good…fuck….i love you”. every time he said something, made one of those noises, it made me want him more.

i gagged a couple times.

now what i found really interesting….it did not taste of anything. for some reason, i had imagined it would taste something like the crook of his neck. a little bit salty, but just essence of him. his penis tasted of NOTHING. literally nothing. it had less flavour than the end of a biro. and i didnt mind carrying on because of that. there was no hint of pee. no slight of cum. it was blank. and smooth. he’s circumcised. i think? i need to check with that. but i know that there was no skin surrounding the tip.

the whole thing. all of it. its very surreal to me. the fact that i did it. and the fact that it turned me on. and the fact that the thought of it now is turning me on. and the fact that i wanted to continue once my jaw had settled, but he wouldnt let me, so im now waiting for my opportunity to try again.

there’s a first for everything.

at first i wasnt particularly horny for myself. i just wanted to do something for him. he managed to get me back though. and what he did felt soooo good. we almost went on to orgasm number 2…but i knew it wasnt going to happen. and some point i felt the peak had already arrived. i felt totally overwhelmed by everything afterwards. it was too much. too much sex. there was too much of that sensation running between us.

i could tell he was totally smitten for me. grateful perhaps? dont they say that a man shouldnt have to feel grateful for sexual acts? i wonder if its demeaning for him to feel grateful? but its not like that. im not taking something away from him to be mean. im just not ready. im just not prepared. my lips were shaking when i first started. i was petrified. i want him to get this thing thats wrong sorted. so i can be a little less careful and a little more at ease.

hes my boyfriend, and i love him. he knows i love him more. i just wonder if ive put myself in a dangerous place with him knowing that.