Madness.

…written in March….

Madness.
It’s when everything is fine… just…tilted.
Everything is normal. Not a cloud in the sky. But the lines are a bit… smudged.
When you are alone…feeling desperate for company.
The ache is mistaken as loneliness. But you know…. You are never alone.
It creeps in. Silent as night. But not silent at all. Silence is solitude. Solitude is peace.
Madness is chaos.
A rising tide that bubbles just under the surface.
It starts as a buzz…. That grows. A static that stretches on and on and on..
A mesmerizing white noise that seeps in and leaves you hollow. But it never leaves…
It covers you like a blanket. Crawling… under your skin.
So you scratch. And scratch. You want it out!
Madness burns….
Teeth clenched.. You scratch. Scratch. Scratch. Scratch. Scratch…
Never too deep though. Mustn’t leave a mark. Mustn’t bleed. At least not yet.
You aren’t ready for the numbness to give way to the pain.
As much as you yearn for freedom, you need something to cling to.
And you know you will never be rid of it anyway. No matter how far you go…
The void is always deeper.
Madness stretches.
Still…it’s like a tick..
So you claw…and bite.. and dig..
Dig… bite… scratch.
Chapped lips. Dried dead skin that never peels away. No matter how much you pull at it.
Pick. Pick… Bite. Pick. Pull… Damn it! Why won’t it bleed?????
No. Must stay calm. So you breathe
Breathe. Breathe. Breathe…
Fists clenched… you breathe.
You breathe until you have no air.
Open your mouth to scream… and suffocate.
Madness.
Everyday nothing changes. Wake up and realize you have no routine. Just… sameness.
You seek relief in slumber but the darkness never lasts.
You wake. Disappointed at the breath in your lungs …and want to scratch….
Ticking… Seeping…. Buzzing… Crawling. Constant.
What to do?
You know…. Love… is a savior.
But every time I love myself I am filled with despair.
Every. Single. Time.
It’s enough to drive a person to Madness.
So please….
Hate me. Hate me. Hate me.
I am begging you. Pleading…
Please.
Hate me.

~M~

ryn: yes you have been VERY remiss young lady! But I can not hate you for it. I’ve been there many times in my long life & while I may not know what exactly is happening to you personally, I know of the darkness, the loneliness, the numbness. I even know of the despair of self loving when all you really crave is the warm flesh & pleasure of another human & not the feel of your own hand making…

… your orgasm seemingly wasted. A momentary release, a flash of electricity through your soul… and for Me, a wasted Kleenex that receives My cum instead of the soft, wet, enveloping pussy like yours that craves the velvety hardness of a cock like Mine to fill it, spreading it open willingly with the desire that burns deep inside you. Now that I have your attention.. Yes you owe Me emails…

… many emails. Not only to catch up with whats going on.. as much as you can tell or are willing to tell Me, but also to make amends to Me, your Master.. remember that? That you ARE owned by Me, hmmm? Do you wish to continue being My countess? Then you may not like what your Master will command you to do soon. But you WILL do it. Most of all Megan.. I just worry about you when you disappear &…

… don’t respond. I fear the worse during those times. I know that I too have been guilty at times of doing the same thing & that can make things even more difficult because I know the kind of thoughts that can run through minds like ours. Just keep in mind that there are people out in the world who care about you OK? OK enough of the scolding. Next-

Emails… WRITE them. However before you do, there is something you will do for your Master to begin your apologies. You will undress as you should be in front of your Master & kneel down, on your bed will be fine, & you will lower your head as you ask for forgiveness. Consider yourself lucky that I am not demanding proof by voice & photos or video. I’m being lenient THIS time, next time though…

… girl, you are sooo lucky that I am not there because your ass would be extremely sore, from both My hand & My cock. I may just have to send you a collar to remind you of the fact that you are owned by Me thereby giving Me the right to do with you what I please…

However for now, just close your eyes, imagine Me there, entwine your body with Mine taking Me deep inside you, holding onto each other, letting passion take it’s course. Now cum. Cum hard for Me My little one, knowing that if I were there I would be right behind you in orgasm, filling you as your pussy squeezes & milks My release from the hard shaft buried in it’s warmth. So you miss me now? 😉

I feel like this.

I love this! 🙂

GOD! This is so me right now in my life, I relate to every single word.