The King Is Angry.

 Alright so where to fucking begin? How about with the easy shit. 

I worked my first day today in retail. Spoiler alert, cashiering is fucking easy and sf is just mindless except for the PDA which I only got one explanation of its workings so yeah. I’ll need it again lol  I work Thursday evening 7:45-1am….yeah. Fun. Worse yet….I work black Friday…10-8:30….. Both register….ummm yeah. Let’s throw the scrub cake on to register on the lunatic days his first week ever doing retail at all. So that’ll be fun. 

So now on to the real shit. Oh look I wrote a positive entry about her and not several days later she’s back to being fucking ridiculous. Lets see…yesterday I noticed she added a slcertwin person on Feb…I msgee her like 0_o well I don’t like this.  And she knew what I was referring to. Well that certain someone she added..guess who it was. Go on. I bet if you know who I’m referring to you’ll know.  Its her ex…you know. The one that made her stop talking to me because he was intimidated? Not enough? Ok the one that made her life hell? Cheated on her? Lied to her? Even tormented her at one point. Tried to say it was her fault somehow? The one she "hated". Lets call him dipshit. Well, she added dipshit on Facebook and I mentioned how I didn’t like that. How its a bad idea and nothing good can come from it. What’s her response to my concerns? "Its different" what does he have left to offer? "Friendship"….friendship? Your rationship ended because he cheated on you for an extended period of time (more than a one night stand type deal) what was it she said ?  She claimed it ended bc she was a controlling bitch and he was a smart mouthed asshole or something like that? Idr exactly bc I deleted the fucking app we were texting on.  So just…let me get this straight… You are a controlling bitch? And yet he manager to cheat on you behind your back. Youre the controlling bitch when he. MADE YOU STOP TALKING TO ME.  Hmmm yeah its clear who was hooked to the leash and who was holding it. Yup clearly you were the controlling one..now idr exactly what she said he was but if it was smart mouthed…she’s wrong on that…smart mouths can use ducking logic. Shall I refer to the time his stupid ass tried to act like I had the wrong number when I was replying to HER TEXT? and gave me lip accusing me of being unable to leave them alone to live their lives? HAHAHA oh yes…I was soooo prying into their shit. Apparently his gf turning to me when he was incapable of being a good bf must mean I am prying. I only ever msged her first on holidays throughout the time she decided I wasn’t worth talking to bc she dated a pussy ass little dipshit that was too naive to pay attention to details and treat her right. Yup thats allll on me. How much you wanna bet that she just went back to not talking to me and allowed him to think he was in the right in behaving like such a wanna be macho lil shit that doesn’t know how outmatched he truly is. Yup.  Almost definitely. Because what’s the truth matter in relationships lolol so let’s just get it straight. You were the controlling one…and he was a smart mouthed asshole? Hmm well you can be controlling but im pretty damn sure dipshit was holding your leash and it was short. I’m also pretty sure I’ve proven that he is not clever enough to be deemed smart mouthed. So yeah let’s go with that reasoning and not the cheating or lying or immaturity or any of that stuff.

So this is the guy she’s out of the blue decided to hang out with randomly…and add back on Facebook. Hmm how could this ever go wrong? Of course he can be trusted. He has obviously proven that hasn’t he. Oh but guys he’s changed. He doesn’t want her and she doesn’t want him. Yeah….ok. Because thats ALWAYS the truth which dipshit is just so keen on upholding. Oh yes…most of the time when a dude says I don’t want you back but we should hang out in a few days…he doesn’t have aaannnyyy ulterior motives nope none at all. Mark my fucking words. It may not be today and it may not be tomorrow it may not be this month but mark my words…he has ulterior motives. He will make a move or try something. People don’t change like that. And when things end like they did between them…it doesn’t work for them to be friends. Its either nothing or back to dating/being used so good fucking luck with that.  So, here’s how she told me "Youre going to hate me" "oh nooo what’d you do this time" " in hanging out with [dipshit] Tuesday".  She lost service/internet ATM but I said "nope nope nope. At the I’m calling it a night" I would have blown up on her and guess what omw home from work she responee some time during the day " probably good I lost service/internet"  yup  and I tried to maintain my cool and told her I’ll probably just rant about it on here because what’s the point to rant to her when it won’t change a fucking thing and its pointless…I ended up losing my cool and saying "you don’t give a flying fuck" and whatd she say? Oh apparently I’m an over dramatic dick because I’m not cheering in joy that she’s happy to be hanging out with that dipshit asshole that put her through hell and seemingly is already being manipulated by. Oh yeah…I should totally cheer for that.yeah I want her happy but I don’t have to be happy about what or who is making her happy. Especially when it is the person who made her drop me like a sack of bricks. Yeah. What does this situation make me think and how does it make me feel? Spoiler alert it worries me and I’m pretty sure I’m just sitting and waiting to be tossed aside….again.  Yup excuse me while I fucking paint a sign that expresses my excitement. Let me paint my face in the colors of your new found happiness to hang out with dipshit.  I’m soooooo fucking happy.  Yup can’t wait for you to be manipulated into forgetting I exist again.  But oh no she’s adamant..she won’t disappear. He’s different he’s changed she’s already trying to justify something she knows is stupid and will lead to something more than this oh so innocent facade of friendship…oh and wait a second she sent me a meme that said something along the lines of "if you love someone you’d be happy for them even if its not with you" now understand this…I’ve been there for her through repeated shit relationships of hers with shit people that I hated and predicted would hurt her…guess what they did….and I helped her through issues with those relationships in spite of hating them. All because she was happy. I’ve proven that I don’t need to be with her to be happy that she’s happy and I’ve watched her hurt soo many times and I’ve done every god damn thing in my power to make her happy and not hurt. But I’m never enough. I have cared for a long time and I’ve committed to making her happy however I could. And when I’ve finally had it because she’s hanging out (out of the blue) with the guy that made her bail on me in spite of all I’ve done and shit? Yeah how over dramatic of me to be worried that I’ll lose someone I care about… AGAIN. How terrible of me. I must be soo selfish and I must be over dramatic. It all must be my fault. Yup. Its all me.  Now somewhere in it I called her out on not caring and guess what I got in response…&

quot;if I don’t care then go away". ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING?, a different phrasing of the " I’m here aren’t I" reasoning…HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT SHOW YOU CARE?  Oh look he will cheer me up and shit when I’m sad and help me when I need it. Just because Youre around…doesn’t mean shit…she fucking benefits from me being around and what do I get. Stress and nothing that shows me she cares.  How many rants have I posted about wanting her to show me she gives a damn at all? How many times have I rented about her just ignoring or brushing my questions and rants off? How many times have I practically begged to be shown something and how many of those times has she provided an answer to any of those questions or a real response?,how many times has she shown an ounce of giving a shit about me? And yet I’m too blame in her eyes because I find it hard to believe she cares at all when she ignores everything and never shows me other than the fucking "I’m here aren’t I" type shit….god damn bland as fuck heartless deflection responses. But wait… Nooo… "If I don’t care then go away" bc her not caring means I walk away. That doesn’t make sense if I care. If I care then why would I walk…I would try to salvage and get something and make it work ya know? If you don’t care then you leave because then I’ll know I meant nothing and was just a tool to her. So tell me…let’s take a poll….would you believe someone cared about you if they never show it and seemed to be going  to a person that made them drop you as a friend?  And would only deflect and claim that "I’m here aren’t I" is acceptable as enough proof.  Fucking hel it doesn’t have to be in a romantic sense, even in a frineship sense its fucked up. So please would you believe that they care? Cus I sure as hell find it hard to believe.   Oh and lets not forgot that her answer to what reason she has to trust him…"I still live him maybe not in love with but I love him". Yup.  And you say you don’t want him back.."maybe not in love". Maybe…maybe…which really means she might be shell have to see how things go…so in saying that your argument for not wanting each other is fucked.  You all know I’m an advocate for love  but be smart about it at least. Guess what….I made my prediction. So here I am sitting and waiting for her to vanish again. Because let’s face it I’m not good enough and never am apparently. Now I see this situation as dramatic..why? BECAUSE SOMEONE I CARE ABOUT IS PROBABLY GOING TO BAIL ON ME AGAIN. its not dramatic to her why? BECAUSE SHE DOESNT CARE.  But whoa is me.  How selfish and wrong of me to not want to lose someone I care about again. I’ve tried to get something out of her so many times and not ONE FUCKING TIME has she shown an inkling of caring.  So apparently I’m just ridiculous. Heaven forbid I matter more than a god damn tool to people. Go ahead and blame me…I’ll take it. Because I know the its not. I’m the best there is and I’ve proven it again and again and again. You just insist on believing that you don’t have to return affection or emotion unless dating that person. Heaven forbid you treat a friend with some fucking respect and common courtesy.  Oh wait I’m not a friend I’m a tool. And until you do something to show me that I actually matter to you as more than a tool then a tool is what I will be.  And I mean something real not some weak ass bullshit I want something to make up for allll the ignored rants and brushed off points made and all the questions never answered. Etc etc etc.    

Needless to say I’m mad and also sad because that fear of losing her again is looking more and more justified. So yeah fuck it. I’m just not good enough apparently. Not just romantically speaking…friendly terms as well. Because who ever considers how I feel? I don’t have emotions. I’m not human. I don’t care about people.  So idk what more to say on the matter honestly.   Just. Wtf?   And I deleted the texting app me and her used and told her she knows my fb and number I’d she decides I’m worthy of conversing with the almighty B. 

Good tucking night and fuck it all