Perpendicular

 Inspired to sit and write. When I haven’t been for so long. 

Adult life bogs us down with the familiar. The mundane. And, although I search for the adventure, it didn’t seem to find me as readily as it once did. 

the torment of pounding hearts from our youth. of tortured connections and unrequited love. 
Here I am. 
Back to where I started, it seems. 
Musing about aches in my heart and long distances. 

I made a choice. I made a choice which I thought would make it so I would never walk through life alone. 
Admittedly, my naivety might be my fatal flaw. Naivety in love. In friendships. In true, deep connections. 

I seem to do nothing but want to run from them. From synchronized heartbeats. From nights spent in lakeside cabins, from turning pages of our books, and now – in a selfless heart that gives too much. 

But I am craving touch. Tips of fingers on the small of my back, kisses on the neck and a specific smell that takes me back years. I smell you on my skin and I feel guiltless. I feel only blood pumping and I see your face above mine. I hear the words "I love you," whispered. 

I want. Nothing but real love making. hands on my cheek and strong arms. 
I want. Nothing but a carefree heart. And laughter. 

I feel selfish. This shall pass. And happiness will remain. I will shirk the guilt – will he? Will we be relegated to a life of apologizing? And feeling sorry for the happiness we found after heartbreak? 

Floating between two perpendicular lives. lines. 
Pro and con lists made. 
Hearts yearning and breaking. Swelling and beating.